A Jester in the King's Court

Welcome to blog #3. I’m pretty excited, because today’s blog topic was requested by an international reader. That’s right…the Sblog, is read by people the world over. Through he glory of the internet, a woman in Istanbul (which was Constantinople…and it’s been a long time gone…) wondered onto my blog, and has requested a topic. Granted…I went to college with Bess, and she found this via Facebook…but hey, still counts. Anyway, based on her request…

Topic: Cough Drops

We all love cough drops. The glorious bits of heaven that keep our throats happy in the midst of the tempest like swells of cold, bronchitis, pneumonia and freak gas siphoning accidents; but what I bet you’ve never seen is the application for being a cough drops flavor tester. It just turns out, I have found said document. Feel free to fill it our, and then at the bottom we can grade it together and see if you have what it takes to taste cough drops….

Application to test flavors at Halls Inc.

Name:_______________
Address: __________________
Date of Birth: __________________
SSN:_________________
Educational history:______________
References:_______________

The job of a Halls flavor tester is difficult, and highly specialized one. In order to analyze your ability to properly discern our flavors, please answer the following questions:

1) When you buy a “cherry” flavored product, you imagine it tastes like:
a. A cherry
b. An old shoe
c. The number 12
d. Melted strawberry Jell-O mixed with transmission fluid
2) When someone says, “Hey, this tastes like lemon”, you assume said object tastes like:
a. A lemon
b. An issue of Mad Magazine
c. Celine Deon
d. A can of Squirt circa 1987 mixed with Gerber Strained green beans
3) What is your ideal “grape” flavored cough drop compared to?
a. A Grape
b. A Porter House
c. The constellation Cygnus
d. 1 part Alexander the Grape Otter pop, 7 parts molasses, 2 parts Listerine

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Now, if you answered “d” on all of the above, you totally can get a job at Halls. Seriously, why do they even given the “flavors” names? I have never once been in a situation where I was sad my cold was gone because I could no longer enjoy my cherry flavored Halls. I take them as a last resort. Because I didn’t have any sour balls around at the time.

Also…Cold-Eez….I have a huge problem with them. See, back in the late 90’s it was discovered that that zinc helps eliminate sore throats. So Cold-Eez made this huge push to be the zinc filled cough drop. The problem is that they taste worse than halls…and have none of the throat soothing powers of Halls. They just have zinc. You know what else have zinc? Vitamins. And…they don’t taste like something Survivor Man would eat.

Ok everyone…..that’s it for tonight….topic selection is under way for blog #4