A Jester in the King's Court

Topic: The pseudo-convo

Originally I was going to call this “office speak” but I realized that the issue is deeper than just the business world….its a distinctly American form of communication. Be it at work, or in a store or anywhere, it is possible to hear this conversation between fictional characters Sam and Bam (why Sam and Bam? Because they are short and easily abbreviated):

S: Hey man, how you doin’
B: I’m doin’
S: That’s good I suppose…staying out of trouble?
B: As best I can….
S: Startin’ any?
B: Hahaha, you know me….what about you? You keeping your nose clean?
S: Now and then
B: Haha, alright, good catchin’ up…you have a good day
S: Same to you man

Ok, now can anyone tell me what actually transpired in the above conversation? Because I have no clue. Let’s dissect this a tad:

1) Sam posits a valid inquiry into how Bam is doing, but Bam responds by mimicking back the question. We don’t let that happen in any other field of life. If I go to a restaurant and the waitress asks “Would you like the soup of the day” and I respond “Soup of the day, hehe” she would respond with, “So is that a yes on the chowder….or are you an idiot?”

2) Granted, the conversational deflection stems from the fact that when someone asks “How you doin’” what they usually mean is “Platitude, socially acceptable platitude” (unless they are Joey Tribioni…then it means something else entirely). So, of course Bam will deflect, because if he doesn’t the convo goes thusly:

S: Hey man, how you doin’
B: Not well.
S: Oh…..what’s wrong?
B: Sometimes the weight of the world seems too much to bear. From North Korea’s military exploits, to the fear of terrorism, the fact that we can’t cure aids or cancer, the world’s homeless and malnourished population is increasing and global warming is destroying the Antarctic home of the harp seal…some times I end up in a Keirkrgaardian existential funk ya know?
S: …..
S……
S: …..
S: I had a friend in College that played the hap. Nice guy.

For some reason, we are unable to actually interact in a state of realism.

3) “Staying out of trouble” is a somewhat innocuous term that I think is translated roughly as “Are you having fun?” This could be related to the idea that in Norse myth the trickster god Loki would take joy and pleasure in playing pranks on people; or perhaps it comes from the Grecian Dionysus who was the god of drink, feasting and partying of every kind. However, it most probably comes from the fact that “staying out of trouble” is less offensive and bold than: “How’s your drinking problem?” “Are you enjoying sleeping with many women” or “Have you related to your co-workers how lowly you esteem them, your boss in particular?” Thos questions would be deemed socially inacceptable, though they are the same as the one that is asked. Unless the question “Stayin’ out of trouble?” Is actually “Stayin’ out of Trouble” at which point it’s a board game query and I’m Sorry that I’ve misunderstood this as a social Taboo or innocuous Catch Phrase. Also, Hungry Hungry Hippos.

4) “Keeping your nose clean?” Again, I may misunderstand this. Bam may honestly be interested in the hygienic state of Sam’s nasal passage; however it is my understanding that this is not the case. This is an insincere euphemistic way of asking if a person is doing anything of interest, without the asker actually having to pretend to know anything about the askee. For example:

B: Hey, keeping your nose clean?
S: I’m trying….working on this article….I might get it published

Notice that Bam says nothing of real value to Sam, who then volunteers something positive because a negative response such as:

B: Hey, keeping your nose clean?
S: Nope, did some Heroin last night then punched a baby

…would elicit an awkward moment in the break room. However, if Bam presupposed what Sam had done or was doing in his question, it runs the risk of looking like this:

B: Hey, think that article you’re working on will get published?
S: Dude…I’m dyslexic and unconfident in my writing ability…you know that. I can’t believe what kind of a jerk you are. I’ll be talking to HR about this.

So obviously it’s safer to speak in euphemism for both parties.

5) The final point of grief I think is that people honestly consider this conversation, and that the majority of people we meet throughout the day we have this relationship with. “Good catchin’ up”….nothing was said. If you leave 60% of your conversations knowing nothing more than “Bam is alive” you don’t know Bam. Now, I’m not saying everything needs to be this ultra-deep, introspective, let’s not talk unless we can block out an hour style craziness….but if you’re going to say something, say something. Words convey meaning, and even though Derrida would have me for this, words actually have meaning. When I say a word, I am referencing an ontological reality greater than the vocal projection itself. Conversations like this one deflate the meaning of words and leave them as empty since they do not actually signify anything. This leads to an increased distance between people and the overwhelming apathy and ennui that stem from knowing nothing about anyone.

This concludes the Office post trilogy. I am now taking ideas for new blog topics.