A Jester in the King's Court

Topic: Medieval Weather Patterns


Well everyone, it’s that time of year again. The sun is shining (it is blocked by cloud coverage and haze here in southern California…but in the stratosphere….oh so shiny…), school is almost out and the beach calls to many for miles around. And all of this can only mean 1 thing: It is time for Al Gore and his friends to awaken from hibernation.

You see, every year about June a phenomenon called “Global Warming” starts (in the past it has been called “Summer”) and it stays with us until about October when it gets cold and people start having ice storms. During these months, Al Gore and his friends will either hibernate, or try and convince people that the blizzards happening in the mid-west are because of “global warming”…..by the way, this attempt will not gat them an increased following.

Seriously though, I am more than a little amused by Global Warming. First off, last year was the coldest year in 10 years…so…that is really inconvenient for some people’s “truth.” Second, the North Pole which should have completely liquefied last summer is larger now than its been in many years. That’s a pain.

But here’s the big thing. Allegedly “Global Warming” and the accompanying end of the world that R.E.M. is so fond to sing of is brought on by our use of various carbon-monoxide producing fuels, not recycling and I’m sure Styrofoam is part of this evil empire as well. Which is totally true. See, back in the Middle Ages there was what was called “The Medieval Warm Period” in which temperatures spiked between the 800’s and t “the little ice age” (about 400 years ago). So, it can only be assumed that Charlemagne and his army produced a massive amount of smog that destroyed the o-zone layer….but the rise of Modernism fixed it.

Yes, it is true that temperatures are hotter now than we estimate they have been in the last 2000 years; however in 1965 it finally was as hot as it had been in the year 1000. Maybe its just safe to presume that all the catastrophes of “global warming” are part of a cycle that happened independent of humanity, and there is a coincidental relationship between the temperature spike, and smog. If not, the warm period had to be explained along the same lines that the present concern is…and that doesn’t work. So what I’m saying, is go fill your Styrofoam car up with leaded gas and then light it on fire.

Seriously everyone….give me topic ideas…..