A Jester in the King's Court

Topic: A more effective way than a TV dating show to find the love of your life

A few days ago I was talking with my long lost friend Shanda on the phone while she was driving in the wonderful land of TX. In the midst of our conversation she abruptly said, “Someone just hit me, I have to go”. This clearly was disconcerting since she lives in TX meaning there is a greater than 75% chance that she was hit by a large truck with bull horns on the front while the driver was eating ribs.

Note: I love stereotypes and think people need to stop pretending they are an awful taboo. I write this from California meaning that as I type this, I’m actually longing to go out and surf with all my celebrity friends, while we talk about my liberal view points all the while protesting for illegal immigrant right and the freedom of puppies to vote in the next election. Granted I’m in Orange County, so I’m probably just a conservative white person that hates taxes and cares about myself enough to have a vanity license plate, all the while being pretentious enough to know that I like gelato more than ice cream…..but I digress….

Shanda called me back and said she was fine, as was the car. This was good news, as was the exchange she had with the driver of the other car. They spoke about her window clinger and she explained that it stood for “Not of this world” and that the object he couldn’t identify was a cross. He said he had a cross tattooed on his leg and showed her. That was the end.

I told her that I thought it was interesting, because Shanda, being Shanda, saw the accident as a witnessing opportunity and explained her window clinger. The man, being a man, saw this as an opportunity to pick up on a woman…and like all brilliant males…thought the ideal way to do this was to show his tattoo.

This led me to what I think is a wonderful idea that I’m going to suggest to my son if I have one…or may just try myself. If there is a female driving in front of you with a Christian bumper sticker on her car…just run into her. Even if its just soft enough to slow her down. Then you get to have this convo…

Male: Oh no…it looks as though I’ve hit your car
Female: That’s ok, it doesn’t look like there’s any damage
M: Still, I feel horrible…
F: No no, its ok…
M: Forsooth! What’s this…a bumper sticker that says Daddy’s Girl with a verse below it indicating God is your Father??
F: Oh yeah, I’m a Christian
M: I can’t believe I hit my sister in Christ, I have a tattoo saying I won’t do that, let me show you (note: you may need to draw this in marker post-collision)
F: Huh…odd you’d have that on your lower back…
M: You should probably give me your number so we can talk about insurance matters
F: I think everything’s ok actually
M: You say that now, but I think we should exchange numbers in case you change your mind…or maybe we go and partake of a Jamba Juice while you wait to see if your bumper falls off
F: Um…I got a thing…

Also, when I said the bumper sticker said “Daddy’s Girl” I presume that at least 50% of all readers presumed the car was a Jetta. Why? Because the Jetta is the Hello Kitty of cars