A Jester in the King's Court

What Billy Joel Knows the Christian Life: Why Growing up in the Church is Like Being in Nam

2010-07-23T13:52:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, my military experience is considerably minimal. I was never in the Army, the Navy, the Air Force or the Core. I don’t actually know what the National Guard does, and I still think the Coast Guard is the Navy’s AAA team. However, I play Risk now and then, I have seen Saving Private Ryan and Forrest Gump on numerous occasions and growing up had plethora of GI Joe toys. So, while I know nothing about the military, I think we can all agree that Parker Brothers, Hasbro and Tom Hanks make me more than qualified to address matters of a militaristic nature.

Last year, the season finale of Saturday Night Live had a skit in which Will Ferrel talks about a vacation to Vietnam. Every time he does, he breaks out into Billy Joel’s Vietnam War song “Goodnight Saigon”, even though he clearly was not in Nam. Well, the song is catchy, and for the last year I’ve listened to it fairly regularly. The other day it came across my iTunes in the midst of a rather frustrating situation with an old High School camp friend, and it struck me how sadly easy it is for my conversations about the friends from my youth to sound as though I’m a war vet talking about my comrades in arms who, to quote Mr. Joel, “Left their childhood on every acre.”

If you grew up in the church, you probably know what I’m talking about. A group of teens, bonded to each other with Christ as the central focus. You go to the same Bible Studies, memorize the same verses, go to the same camp, do the same youth activities. You all knew the answers to the questions the study leaders would ask and you could all say a prayer that earnestly moved any who heard it. Every now and then one of your battalion would stumble and fall, but that is to be expected, after all, war is difficult. Some may have even distanced themselves from the main group, but that’s okay, they still wanted to win the war.

Then something happened. Leaving High School was like the Tet Offensive, but your platoon didn’t respond quite as well as did the US did to the surprise attack. All of a sudden you look around and there are your fellow combatants strewn about on the battlefield, having decided that all the teaching and training they received was useless, or “just not for them”. Instead of evading the enemy, they allowed themselves to take shrapnel to the knee. Instead of jumping away from a grenade, they decided to pick it up, just to test their limits. Instead of fighting, they decided to surrender to a force that doesn’t take captives., it either destroys or assimilates, but never incarcerates.

The problem is, we knew this Tet Offensive was coming. Everyone warned us about “the real world” and it seems so few of us cared. We were all told about the importance of infusing our life with the theology we had been taught, but it was of minimal concern to the majority of our squad. And thanks to that apathy, whenever those of us still fighting meet each other, we all have horror stories about our close friends who we’ve lost “in the thick of the fight.” It’s sad that as a 27-year-old Christian, I can name so many people who have fallen. And that’s not to say that I don’t have scars and bruises all over me. That’s not to say that I don’t have limbs that might need amputated and have seen things that I can’t unsee. But it does mean that I, and those like me, have gotten up and pressed forward on the attack…like a soldier should.

When I sit with some of my compatriots who, though battered and bruised, still fight dearly for what we were taught in our youth…or when I speak with some of my old teachers (drill instructors for the analogy). Its sad to see how often the question of “What happened??” can be asked. I think back on all those I was connected with who have turned from the faith and wonder what would have happened if they had survived? What would churches look like today if the majority of their soldiers hadn’t fallen in battle right out of the gate?

The song’s chorus says, “And we’d all go down together.” I know that the “together” part was the mindset of my group of friends leaving High School. But somewhere along the line, “Let’s win the world for Christ” became “Let’s win the world” in the majority of their minds. The unity disappeared and suddenly it was just “We’d all go down” and rather swiftly at that.

I know it’s a bit of a melancholy post, but those of us still fighting the war, we should be encouraged we’ve made it this far, and be inspired to show a lost world that “We Didn’t Star the Fire” and let’s be creative about that by spending some time in “The River of Dreams.” Okay…no more of that, I promise...
...
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Piano Man

Ok, now I’m done:]

A Quick Reflection on an Error I made About Tables and Chairs

2010-06-27T23:43:00.000-07:00

Everyone has a story about getting advice that looking back they wish that they had taken. This is not such a story. Its actually quite the opposite. In the Winter of 2005 there was a girl, who though cute and witty, asked me a horrible question that I only now am fully understanding the full implications of. At the time, the church I was Youth Pastor at would have events and play practices that involved an inordinate amount of set-up and grunt labor. Seriously, we were a church of barely 200 and yet we moved more plywood than a Home Depot in Black Rock, Nevada the week prior Burning Man.

Anyway, weekly we would have to move the sets for the play, or the chairs for an event, or tables for….an event (I should have used a synonym for effect, but “happening” seemed odd). I, of course, wasn’t thrilled to always be moving things, but some one had to, why not I?

Well, one night, assumably past midnight because that’s when guys in their early 20’s are on the phone with females they are trying to date, this girl said, “You move things at your church a lot.” I never really thought about it that much before. She returned to it, “You’re the Youth Pastor…why are you always moving things, like you never aren’t moving things.”

I will say, her assessment of me never not moving this was correct, but I had never really thought of it as a negative until that point. It wasn’t so much that I was the Youth Pastor so moving things was beneath me, at least not at first, it was more that I just hated that it was assumed that I would move things. I can’t say why exactly, just that said female’s statement sat with me, and I saw no reason that I should move things.

Fast forward to the past November. Here at Shoreline I was expected to help set up for Thanksgiving lunch since I’m on staff. I was not happy about this, but oddly enough that weekend I actually didn’t hate setting up tables. Nor stacking a billion chairs in a closet built for 8. Fast forward to March, I found myself in the same situation for the Noia Retirement Lunch, only I swear in was 2 billion chairs. Only this time, I actually loved doing it. Fast forward to May. I’m leaving my office after Shoreline’s Gradation and I see the gym is still being taken down, so I put more chairs away, and it was fun. Jump to tonight, and we see me setting up tables and chairs once more, but I truly enjoyed doing it. It was a part of the fellowship and worship of the day.

It might seem like an odd thing, but I’m rather happy that I like the grunt work at church again. The girl’s question about how often I moved things was not bad….but what I did with it was. I let it mix with my own resentment and arrogance and it made what should have been a fun act of worship and camaraderie a chore to be avoided. My response should have been “Yes, I get to minister in hat way a lot…and its how I keep my girlish figure;]” I dropped the ball there, but was reminded tonight how much I love having a renewed joy in this ministry.

100 Way to Evangelize, Or: What happens When a Prof Tells me to "Be Creative"

2010-03-27T09:09:00.000-07:00

100 Ways to Evangelize

1. Going door to door
2. Handing out tracks
3. Open air preaching
4. Reading a book of a theological nature in a public place and try and use it as a catalyst to engage people in discussion
5. Puppet ministry
6. Christian bumper sticker or vanity plate as a discussion catalyst
7. Take a pagan to see a movie with spiritual overtones and play “movie review” game
8. Watch Lost with a group of pagans and analyze it
9. Evangicube
10. Wordless book
11. Christian T-shirt as convo opener
12. Colored bracelet
13. Run sports programs out of the church for the community
14. Run Drama programs out of the church for the community
15. Hire a sky writer to put the Romans road in the air
16. Invite a friend to church
17. Invite a friend to hang out with Christians at a non-church event
18. Put on a Passion Play
19. Youth Scavenger Hunt for different types of people, points awarded for each person that comes to a party at the end of the event
20. Hand out water on a hot day at the beach
21. Volunteer at a soup kitchen
22. Pay for the food of the person behind you in the drive-thru and have the DT guy give them a New Testament or invite to church
23. Special event BBQ
24. “Chalk tag” the sidewalk all over the city to guide people to a website that’s evangelistic
25. Unite with a museum to give free tours through exhibits dealing with Christian history
26. Free car wash after a rain storm as a way of ministering to the community
27. Volunteer to host a Barnes & Nobel’s book club
28. Carry a cross up a busy street to start conversation
29. Hold up signs at sporting events
30. Put on a church sponsored Roller Derby contest
31. Men’s fishing trip to invite the unsaved to
32. Monday Night Football BBQ to invite the unsaved to
33. Buy season tickets to sport games to use to invite men to go with you and the pastor to games in order to build relationship
34. Booth at county fairs
35. Puppet show in local park
36. Sunday School driven evangelism
37. Leave fliers on windshields
38. Approach cultists as they are out witnessing and counter-witness
39. Go to the Ren Fair as monks and recite St. Francis’ sermons
40. Go to a hospital and ask the ill if they’d like prayer
41. Ask your waiter/waitress if she would like you to pray about something
42. Try to use evangelistic words when playing Scrabble
43. Halloween Alternative
44. Christmas events
45. Easter celebrations
46. Break dance competition
47. Talent show
48. Church School performances
49. Evangelistic bon fire
50. Evangelistic quilting group
51. Church sponsored dog training for the community
52. Bring quarters and detergent to a Laundromat and provide it to those there to start a convo
53. Public baptisms
54. Scrapbooking with friends but make sure you use church pictures
55. Invite pagans with you on a house building trip to Mexico…or Canada I guess
56. Teach your youth group about Intelligent Design and release them on the public school system
57. Youth all nighter
58. Church Christmas caroling
59. Play Christian parody band Apologetix around pagans and explain the songs after they realize they are listening to different words
60. Join in with a group of pagans making fun of a Christian cliché, and then explain why its wrong to take them off guard (i.e. “You’re right WWJD is stupid, Jesus would never have gotten drunk and beat His wife since He was sinless and not married”)
61. Christian sponsored car show
62. Evangelistic billboard
63. Hold a Bible study on the streets around the homeless and prostitutes
64. Run church counseling programs
65. Christian skydiving org where you ask, “If this parachute didn’t open, what would happen to your eternal soul?” as you’re falling at 32 feet per second while the pagan is strapped to you
66. Put on a Community Olympics during the real Olympics as a way of letting the community know that the church exists and build relationships
67. Sit on a college campus with a sign saying, “I’m Christian, prove me wrong”
68. Chili cook off
69. Sand castle building competition
70. 4th of July BBQ/celebration service
71. AWANA program
72. Door hangers
73. Revival Meetings
74. Church coffee cart
75. Christian social networking (Facebook, etc)
76. Blogging
77. Reading the Narnia stories to kids
78. Virtual churches or MPOG witnessing
79. Go to Comic-Con dressed as Nightcrawler or Daredevil and have your character expound their religious views (it’s Catholic, but close)
80. Hold a symposium when the next alien movie comes out about the likelihood of extraterrestrial life. Tie that into a creationist/ID worldview
81. Buy a church dragster that you can invite pagans to come can drive with Christians as a relationship builder
82. Go around putting flowers on all the female graves at a local cemetery on Mother’s Day hoping to talk with he grieving family
83. Twitering for Jesus
84. Offer to help clean out landscape issues as a means of starting convo’s
85. MOPs program
86. Take your kid to the playground and try and start convo’s with the parents of the kids your kid plays with
87. Evange-Bowling League
88. Go to an atheist meet-up group and ask to just observe and wait for them to try and bring you into conversation
89. Agree to trade services with a cultist/other religion follower. You go to 1 of theirs, and they to one of yours.
90. Have a Bible Study meet in a public place to draw attention to their study
91. Stop to see if someone needs help when broken down on the side of the road, use it to start Jesus convo
92. Take a picture of a Crusader and an Arab fighting and use it as a banner to advertise a series of talk on the Crusades and Christian/Islam relations
a. Take a picture of a cowboy, Native American, a Crusader and an Arab hugging and giving the thumbs up sign with a banner saying, “The Crusades and Manifest Destiny weren’t that big a deal!”
93. Church sponsored weightloss groups
94. Host Socratic discussions where people can come and present their beliefs and interact with ideas
95. Stand next to a God’s Word Fellowship guy protesting at the Rose Parade or something like it and apologize to those next to him that Christians aren’t like this
96. Christian camps/retreats
97. Go speed dating and tell everyone that sits across from you that they need Jesus
98. Gospel presentation at wedding/funeral
99. Mention being involved at church and ask, “Do you go to church any where”
a. Go up to a stranger and say, “Knock knock” “Whose there” “Jesus, He’s knocking at your heart….okay that’s not what that verse means, but seriously, are you saved?”
100. Steal your friends phone and refuse to give it back until they are able to explain their outrage and belief that your action is univocally wrong w/o expressed appeal to a deity, or they capitulate to attending church

I Don't Really Believe in Facts so Much.... Or: Identity (part 2) and the Temple of Doom

2010-01-24T14:46:00.000-08:00

So, the idea of identity has been lost in the contemporary world. Or rather its changed. People no longer see themselves as something, but rather as something in relation to something else, or something manifested one way in some situation and in another in another situation. The self becomes less objective and more subjective as it were.

Some see this as a huge step forward. We are no longer bound by what we ought to be, or by what we seem to be, but we can define what we are. It’s a very Sartian view of the self. My essence, my identity is defined by how I see myself and what I will to be.

It seems that media has some contributing factor to this identity disassociation. The entire premise of the entertainment industry, at least as it was, is that people pretend to be what they aren’t so others can watch and relate/respond to what they present. The introduction of reality TV has changed this a bit given that now people do not need a character written before hand for them to act out, instead they manifest themselves in any manner they like on TV.

Further, news has been replaced by “infotainment” (which is a word according to spellchecker) in which facts aren’t presented, so much as spun. If Obama opens the door for his wife when going out to dinner, Fox News will say, “Obama is against women’s rights and thinks Michelle cannot open her own door” since they want to present Obama as the devil. On the other hand, MSNBC will say, “Obama is a chief humanitarian, full of grace and kindness” since they are in Obama’s back pocket. And clearly CNN will tell us what people are tweeting about Heidi and Spencer Pratt.

The world has moved in such a way that facts are not presented as facts, but rather as ammunition for supporting any understanding of the world one wishes to have. The postmodern/poststructuralist would be fast to say that everything has always been interpretation. Derrida’s claim is that we interpret the world around us and interpretation is merely all that we have. With this idea in play, one that I am not yet discrediting, it makes sense that “fact” becomes a dubious term, and identity becomes a less than concrete idea.

This leaves us with the question that Os Guinness has asked in many Vertias Forums, “How does one live in a world of hype, spin and lies?” I think that question is a good one for sorting out truth in the post-postmodern milieu, and is a trajectory for establishing one’s work with identity.

To be continued…

Hey! Who Are Yous?! Or: An Introduction to a Series on Identity

2010-01-11T18:36:00.000-08:00

Principle #2: The Jet Li Principle

Topic: Identity (Part One)

Disclaimer: This post started getting lengthy and I realized that I better make it a multi-post topic. There is no resolution in this first entry…also considerably less laughs than I usually aim for.

Admittedly, I’ve never seen a Jet Li movie. Until I looked up his IMDB listing, I could only name one movie he had ever been in…ironically enough, that movie is named The One. I never saw it, but I heard many good things about it. The premise is roughly that this guy is able to travel through various timelines and find alternate versions of himself. Once he finds them, he kills them in order to absorb their life force. I don’t know if his plan worked at all, Wikipedia didn’t mention it when I cross checked to make sure I had the name right, though it did tell me that the Rock was originally cast for the movie. Huh.

Anyway, the plot roughly indicates that identity can be spread throughout the multiverse, with each person feeding off the same life force. Yes this could open up a platonic discussion, but that’s not where I’m going with it. Instead, I’m going with the idea that a person’s identity can be spread across a litany of places. I read an article a few months ago asking how people define themselves in an era where they can present themselves in various ways immediately thanks to the beauty of social networking. I don’t have the link to the article sadly, but what it said struck a chord with me.

I personally have this blog in which I am sarcastic yet attempt to say something of worth, I have a Facebook on which I post some topics to start debates, yet mostly quote TV and movies. I still have my old Xanga account in which I’m a completely sarcastic and snide college student, and I have a Myspace where 37 bikini clad women a day want to be my friend…and who can blame them.

Beyond that I have my friends from ECCU who know me in a professional sense, my CBU friends who know me as an engaged academician, my GGBTS friends who know me as a disinterested scholar and my church friends who know me as youth pastor and the guy that talks way to fast on stage when the pastor is out. Then there are the purely internet friends who I can believe anything about me that I darn well want them to.

Granted, in my case I’m pretty much always the sarcastic goof off that thinks he knows a lot more than he actually does, yet seems to actually know more than some people give him credit for. But, we live in a society in which it is completely possible to have nine or ten different identities that a single person presents. And, I personally believe that when a person becomes bifurcated to the umpteenth degree, its incredibly unhealthy.

How many times today do we hear about people having to go “find themselves”? That term makes no sense. Because you must be a “you” that is going to find “you” but what “you” are you already?

Next: Media, Hollywood and Identity Disassociation

Gettin' WEGE Wid It! Or: A Truly American Christmas

2009-12-22T20:02:00.000-08:00

The White Elephant Gift Exchange (WEGE on the street…i.e. “Let’s get wege tonight!”) has become a holiday tradition. If you are unfamiliar with this custom, it goes as follows:

1) Find something that you do not want anymore
2) Wrap it up
3) Go to Christmas party
4) Put your gift with the others under the tree with disproportionately nice ornamentation when juxtaposed to the “treasures” now laying underneath it
5) Draw numbers for the pecking order of junk taking.
6) Steal the nicest piece of junk…or the 1 nice gift because someone didn’t understand the rules
7) Go home with new junk

Now, I had the pleasure of trying to explain this to a person who is originally from a not-so-western country. The conversation was an interesting one. He asked me the amount of money that we should spend on the exchange, and I said, “No, its not like that…just bring something you might not want anymore, or a gag gift or something”….my friend seemed confused and asked, “So…I bring trash?”. I said, “No…not trash…just something you don’t want anymore”. This concept seemed hard for him to grasp…but he finally thought he got it and brought a Bible from the 1800’s…I tried…oh well….

I realized though…how odd is the concept of “Just bring something you have that you don’t want” to people from the second of third world? Could the WEGE be a more American/Western concept? Can you imagine a missionary in Zimbabwe explaining what the WEGE is to the Zimbabweans? “Just bring something you have that you don’t want” “Um…I don’t have anything….well, aside from AIDs and lice…can I bring those?” “Um…how bout we just skip the WEGE and just go see an actual elephant”

I personally love the WEGE, I think its hilarious, an I wish I was Jewish so I could have 8 crazy nights of WEGE….but I think we should at least stop for a moment and realize what it says about what we are blessed with to have such a surplus of things that we can view some of them as junk that’s good for a laugh…whereas so many people across the world don’t have water, food or shelter…3 of the 4 most important things to survival. The 1st of which is clearly air….and the top 5 being rounded out of course, by a good po-po-po-po-po-poker face.

Plato and Sartre Wish You an Ontological Christmas. Or: You think THAT is a Christmas movie???

2009-12-17T16:07:00.000-08:00

Topic: Christmas Movies and Essences

Philosophy is funsies. In what other discipline can you use the sentence, “I’m sorry, but your ontological presuppositions leave you in a state where you are forced to affirm an epistemological infinite regress.”? I mean sure you use it every day if you work at Gymboree, but beyond that….

Anyway, another side effect of studying philosophy is that you end up applying the terms, principles and debates to everyday life. This is fun when you are talking with fellow philosophy nerds, but rather a bore at most parties. Then again, at most parties it just fun listening to the inebriated people repeat the word “monophysite” back to you after you use it to describe their inherent use of the phrase “Gimmie one more…” whilst at the bar.

Case in point for today’s seasonal discussion, what makes a movie a Christmas movie, as opposed to a movie that takes place at Christmas? This question started brewing in my head last year when someone said that “Love Actually” was their favorite Christmas movie. I reacted with a bit of disdain for that statement because, let’s be serious…as likeable as Hugh Grant is when singing Good King Wenslease, that does not a Christmas movie make.

In the philosophical world, there is a debate surrounding essence, and what makes a thing what it is. Classicalists tend to think that there is an intrinsic essence to all things that define them as what they are, Nominalists think that essences are projections of universals on the unifying elements of nature, existentialists think that essences are completely defined by the existing cogniscent individual defining reality and purpose as they see fit, and the consperiscists that believe the world is run by an illuminate, Obama was born in Kenya and that we never landed on the moon. This last group is not related to philosophy I anyway whatsoever, but are always good for a cheap laugh.

So, what makes a movie a Christmas movie? Is it something innate, or is it self-defined? Granted there are the hyperspiritual people that will say the only true Christmas movie is the Nativity because is about Jesus. Ok, true….as a Christian I am required to say that (seriously, its in our bylaws), but now that we are done with that, seriously, what defines Christmas movies?

When I watch Elf, or the Santa Clause trilogy (it’s the Back to the Future of Christmas) or Christmas Vacation, I classify them as Christmas movies without a second thought. However when I look at Gremlins or Love Actually and in some cases Home Alone, I don’t necessarily think “Christmas movie” I think, “Movie in which Christmas plays an accidental or secondary role” which translates from nerd to English as, “Movie that takes place during Christmas”

I think the reasoning is that Christmas is central to the plot of the former movies, and the changes in the characters are by products of “The magic of Christmas”, whereas the other movies could take place at another time of the year, or not mention Christmas at all, and I wouldn’t notice a real change to the movie at all. Granted, I can conceive of the Christmas Carol being the Easter Carol, or the only poplar in France, Bastille Carol, and yet I think there is something utterly Christmas-centric about the story. Is it that a person in the story needs to undergo some type of transformation in the movie? I’m not sure….what do you think is the essence of Christmas cinema?

Hey! It's That One Day! Before all the Sales!

2009-11-23T13:48:00.000-08:00

Capitalism is wonderful thing. It’s the thing that makes it so that children get to see “Back to School” sales in May, Halloween candy in July and it also allows me to wrap my assorted Labor Day meat’s in Santa Claus paper. And seriously….what would I do if I was not able to Christmas wrap my Labor Day meats?

Obviously this is driven primarily by a want for profit, though it has some philosophical underpinnings, i.e. modern man’s inability to be satisfied in the present and irrevocably desire the future. This trait of our society is why I start day dreaming about next semester’s classes ½ way through the current term, and why the contemplative life s one that no longer exists; however you can look like it does if you own a Snuggie…oh monkery!

Despite the fact that it isn’t profitable, Thanksgiving is falling out of the American mindset for other reasons as well. Sure the fact that only grocery stores make money off it has assisted to affirm the already dying holiday in its passing. Beyond that however, the concept it really has no place in postmodern America.

The name of the holiday is “Thanks giving” and when first instituted the concept was one of expressing thanks for the blessings we have been provided. Postmodern America has fundamental issues with the very concept of giving thanks for 2 reasons:

1) Postmodernism is a completely self-centered philosophy that teaches people that they are at the center of the universes. They define reality, meaning and truth. If a mindset is tainted with this philosophical stain, its easy to see how the idea of gratefulness seems to be lost. This isn’t to say that every postmodernist is this way, nor that every non-postmodernist isn’t. If you look at everything in the American culture you see a targeting of the ego. Self I what matter. The individual deserves everything the world has to offer. If everything that a person gets is not a blessing but a right, what is there left to express thanks for?

2) To give thanks implies an object of the action of “thanking.” I cannot “give thanks” without something or someone receiving the thanks. In an increasingly secular society that is pushing all references to God out of the public consciousness, there seems to be a more difficult time finding an entity to thank.

When the two points are added together, the increased difficulty in finding an entity to thank, and the given presumption that I deserve everything any ways, it leads to the death of a holiday that is focused on thanking God for His provision. I personally am nota huge Thanksgiving fan, mostly because I don’t love Thanksgiving food. In my world it would just be called “Stuffing and Pie Day”. However, I love what T-Day is about, and it’s a sadly telling thing that our present society cannot fit such a holiday into their worldview.

Live From the SBlog, its...WED AFTERNOON!

2009-11-04T12:15:00.000-08:00

This is post 1 in an ever expanding list of “Principles” that I’ve somehow started to develop. There was an old list of theses from High School…but they are about as deep as a High Schooler can be…so I’ve decided mid-20’ss is the way to go.

Principle #1: The SNL Principle (Chronological Snobbery)

I was a lucky child. Since my Mom was a single parent and had to work all day, yet wanted spend time with me (as anyone would), I was allowed to stay up rater ate at night. This may have lead to me being a 27 y/o that can’t get to sleep before midnight, but it also allowed me to be a 2nd grader that was sad when Johnny Carson retired. Truth be told, had I known how unfunny Leno would turn out to be, I’d have probably cried.

This means that as a child, I became a fast fan of Saturday Night Live. I watched it every week, I watched it’s re-reruns during the summers and I made many people laugh with my impersonations of Dana Carvey impersonating Bush and Perot. And the Church Lady. I loved the early 90’s SNL. In the mid-90’s, all my fav cast members were let go and replaced with unfunny losers like Will Farrel, Chris Katan, Cheri Oteri, Molly Shannon and they even let that moron Norm McDonald do Weekend Update. I hated the new cast, and I perpetually bemoaned how not funny they were.

Then something happened. I realized I was still watching it, and laughing at Mr. Peepers and Celebrity Jeopardy. SNL was still funny. Then some of those cast members left and people like Jason Sedakus and Kristin Wiig showed up. And everyone said, “Why can’t these people be as funny as the old cast was when they first started??” But, no one liked them when they first started. They hated them.

Now, all of a sudden, people seem to find this new cast funny. And, they are right. Because its always been funny. The problem is we grow so attached to things being 1 way that any change makes us initially hate the new way of doing things. We have no argument against the new way, and we work ever so hard to make ourselves hate the new thing, often against our own will; however we still manage to do it.

The fact is, this goes so far beyond SNL. It happens often with worship music, civil rights and changes in relationship. I have no prescription to fix this aside from to remind everyone that new is not always bad, and that the things that are old and comfortable now were once new and contemptible. What the 20-40 generation in the church call “old boring music” once were new drinking songs that got brought into the church with new lyrics.

Sociologically this is called Chronological snobbery, thinking either that what is either older or newer is better purely because of its position in time. Practically though, how many relationships have been cut off or halted because they are no longer what they once were, and no one wanted to see if the new norm was a good norm? And how many ways of doing church have been stamped out because they aren’t the way its always been done. And how many SNL cast members have been fired because no one will ever be able to be as funny as Tina Fey, and Wayne’s World is too brilliant to duplicate?

Choose Your Own Adventure

2009-10-27T17:30:00.001-07:00

Thanks to an independent study that I’m doing right now, every time I try to think of something to blog, my mind goes to one of the 3 following topics:
1) Divine Simplicity
2) Divine Spatiality
3) The Validity of classifying any of the Divine Attributes as Incommunicable

So, trying to spare you all the pain of reading such things…I ask…what would you like a Sblog on?

"You Believe X? Then I hate X!" Or: A Brief Discussion on Idea Making

2009-10-13T08:10:00.000-07:00

One thing I like about the human mind is that it has the capability of complex thought. We are able to take various bits of data and analyze them and come up with cogent well thought out ideas that we can variously defend and discuss. But one of the things I LOVE about humans is how often we look at that ability and throw it away because we'd rather form our beliefs based upon what someone else believes.

Now, I'm not talking about people influencing us one way or the other, I mean something much more visceral. Humans have a tendency to not like other humans. I think this started back in caveman times when Unga had a more stylish loin cloth then Junga did, and Junga was made to feel very bad about this fact, and took it out on his poor pet archaeopteryx. This led to the eventual war between the archaepteryxes and the cave people, which ended in the cave people eating many buffalo flavored archaeopteryx wings. They all liked this very much, and decided that not liking each other was actually a very good thing. Sadly, the secret of buffalo flavored wings was lost when Atlantis fell into the sea and was not discovered again until centuries later when a man in New York's third largest city finally unlocked the wisdom of the ancients. Everyone also agrees this is "wicked awesome."

What is fascinating however is that when humans dislike other humans, they do not just not like them, but they find the need to disagree with this human on all points. This visceral reaction is a much stronger force than any amount of like might be. For example, universal health care. Every Republican hates this bill. Why? Because its Obama's idea. If Bush pushed this, every Republican would love it and all the Dems would hate it. Why? Because the concern isn't with the bill itself, but with the person that likes it. I personally am just against taxes, so be it Bush or Bama...I hate taxes:]

Christians do the same things. I first changed to my present view of the end times because I thought my pator at the given time was wrong on everything always. He thinks that an amill, partial preterist, post-trib view is very wrong...therefore I started thinking that it probably made good sense and I started believing in it with no support other than the fact that I didn't have a reason not to. Granted, since then I've done the research and hold more firmly to my position, but the fact remains that it started as a reaction.

One of he saddest things is when you meet people that act in such a way that you want to change your beliefs not to be on their side. I have recently met a few Calvinists that make me want to disagree with them and switch back to the opposing side, just because I want to not agree with people that come off the way they do. Granted, I won't switch for that reason, but its easy to see that if we hold to a belief, but are unable to couch it in a reasonable and valid way, and our presentation and actions and demeanor are not appealing, then people want to flee from it.

Two more examples: Our present society does not have a valid argument to support its idea of "everyone is right." It cannot support the idea that money and sex make you happy. But when it is said in a caring way, paying heed to the emotions and couched in a manner that is attractive, then clearly it is alluring to people. When that is added to Christians saying truth, but in a hateful way...its not hard to see why the world seems more appealing.

The other example is that of Glen Beck. He and I have similar political views. We are both conservatives, and both disagree with where the country is headed. But every time i hear him talk, I become more liberal. He has no clue what he is saying, and is a manipulative propaganda bag. Because of this, I want to defend Obama when he talks. That is a huge step given that I think Obama is incompetent, but without trying on Beck's part, he makes an argument for Obama out of the very lunacy he spreds. Why? Because it elicits a visceral reaction that makes you want to change your view just so you can say that you disagree with him.

So, in closing....I think its fascinating that so many of our ideas actually arise from visceral responses to people that we think are bat crap crazy.

My Philosophy of Youth Ministry, Or: Why I'm OK That Your Teen Might not Understand Everyword I Say

2009-10-03T14:53:00.000-07:00

Let's be frank, I am not the world's most ideal youth pastor. Yes I have the traditional youth pastor goatee, but my jeans are not form fitting, I hate coffee and the only V-neck shirt I own is orange and was bought on accident as a workout shirt from Wal-Mart. My wardrobe does not look like a Good Will store specializing in 1960's and 70's apparel, I think having youth eat a gallon of mayonnaise is disgusting and I find food fights disrespectful. I hate the "small group" model that most groups follow, I'm not a fan of having a band of some sort come in and try and woo youth to show up, make emotionally charged decisions and then never show up again...and it took me 5 tries to get "decisions" misspelled close enough for spell check to tell me the right spelling.

At core I'm an apologetics guy. My heart is in the defense of the Christian faith and seeing orthodoxy in the lives of others. On the whole, this isn't the most important thing to a large majority of what we call Christian. Be it Joel Olsteen style self help, or William Young feel good experientialism, or Rob Bell's casserole of wrongness...the church does not on the whole care about orthodoxy. The care about assimilation. Be that assimilation into acting like everyone else, or going out of your way not to act like everyone else (and join the large group that does just that...the irony). Either way, the dogmatic concern in the church as a whole, and in youth groups predominately, is a concern on action.

Action clearly is important. However, a youth pastor's job is not to make the youth act a certain way. Philosophically speaking, act comes from being (Colin Gunton has a great book on this). Since I can only act in such a way that I am, even if I do action "x" for a while...if I m actually person "y", then over time my action "x" will stop and action "y" will be what is left. This is why my job is not to teach youth not to lie; rather to teach them that God is truth. If I teach them "don't lie" that will only go so far as their conscious and their thinking I'm right" can take it. But if I teach them that "God is truth" and that therefor a lie is an affront to God, then there is a reason to not lie. Telling the truth has nothing to do with me or them, and everything with God.

This is why when I'm in charge of a youth group, they know CS Lewis. They know Augustine and Luther (Martin, not Lex...they know Lex cause I'm a geek). Many youth pastors think that youth only need the basics of the faith, and maybe that is because that's all they can bring to the fore...but our present society is not the type where any Christian just needs the basics. Teenagers are the target of worldview assaults like crazy. If a teenager graduates High School and thinks homosexuality is wrong, that is a rare thing. In a society in which the average age that a child is introduced to pornography is 11 (it might be 10, I cant remember the study I looked at), if they make it out of High School...or even to High School a virgin, that is impressive. But those things only happen thanks to a deep and firm relationship with God, not a passing feeling about Him.

That all said, I teach obscure theology to my teens. They know the titles of books by RC Sproul and GK Beale and use zeitgeist and diaspora as zings. And oddly enough, they invite friends to that type of group. Starting tomorrow we are going to start talking about worldviews and other religions, and we are actually going to hammer out the fact that as much as we love our unsaved friends, they aren't going to heaven so they need to hear the gospel. It's going to be fun.

Do I talk over the heads of some youth? Totally. But you know what happens when you teach 7th-12th grade at a 7th grade level? The 12th graders stay jr highers. If you teach 7th-12th at a 12th grade level? The group as a whole, over time, matures and can think at a higher level. Its painful at first, but has yet to fail. And, in 2009 there is not a single issue a 12th grader faces that a 7th grader doesn't face.

Hence, I've always said that I focus on Discipleship and Dodgeball. Deep teaching and fun games that teach them not to take themselves seriously. No real reason I decided to write this today aside from the fact that I realized I probably should have this written some place.

10 Worship Songs...well...3 Worship Songs and 7 Mistakes....

2009-09-28T12:38:00.000-07:00

Here are the theological critiques of 10 songs I had to do for class. The more I hate the song, the funnier it is.
“I Am a Friend of God” by Israel Houghton

VERSE:
Who am I that you are mindful of me
That you hear me, when I call
Is it true that you are thinking of me
How you love me, it's amazing (Who am I Lord)

CHORUS:
I am a friend of God
I am a friend of God
I am a friend of God
He calls me friend

Verse

BRIDGE:
God Almighty
Lord of Glory
You have called me friend

Breakdown: Admittedly I am biased against this song, but much of the content is from Scripture. The first line is a quotation from Psalm 8 and the last line of the chorus is a quotation from John 15. It is also true that God hears when we call, and that He is Lord of Glory. All off these are positives.

However, while it is true that God is thinking of me, it is true that He is thinking of everyone in that He is omniscient. That line seems to set the song into an overtly saccharine place. The repetitious chorus furthers this overly emotional mood, as does the song’s beat. That stated, the greatest concern about this song is that it is completely anthrocentric. There is no actual statement of praise or worship in this song, merely a statement of how great it feels to be saved. The song falls short of its purpose and should never be sung.

“Shine Jesus Shine” by Cliff Richard

Lord the light or your love is shining,
In the midst of the darkness shining,
Jesus light of the world shine upon us,
Set us free by the truth you now bring us,
Shine on me. shine on me.

Shine jesus shine
Fill this land with the fathers glory
Blaze, spirit blaze,
Set our hearts on fire
Flow, river flow
Flood the nations with grace and mercy
Send forth your word
Lord and let there be light.

Lord I come to your awesome presence,
From the shadows into your radiance,
By the blood I may enter your brightness,
Search me, try me, consume all my darkness,
Shine on me. shine on me.

As we gaze on your kindly brightness.
So our faces display your likeness.
Ever changing from glory to glory,
Mirrored here may our lives tell your story.
Shine on me. shine on me.

Breakdown: This song is a good example of how lyrics can be full of “biblical words” yet carry little biblical substance. It seems a lot of the imagery in this song is being taken from the Revelation of John in which God is seen as the light in heaven. If the lyrics actually mean this, then this song is actually a profound postmillennial chorus, beseeching the Lord to draw history to a close and finalize His kingdom.

However, I don’t think that is the song’s intent. While the song does reference Christ as the light shining in the dark world, it lacks any terms of worship or praise. The second verse does indicate that Jesus’ death bought our salvation (brightness used as a synonym), but despite all these theological nuggets, the songs main point seems to be to indicate that Jesus is shiny and on fire and illuminating various continents.

The song isn’t bad, and it speaks very well to the senses and emotions, but it doesn’t really say anything at all. There’s nothing negative about singing this song, but there are better options.

“Oh Come and Mourn With Me a While” by Fredrick Faber

O come and mourn with me awhile;
And tarry here the cross beside;
O come, together let us mourn;
Jesus, our Lord, is crucified.
Have we no tears to shed for Him,
While soldiers scoff and foes deride?
Ah! look how patiently He hangs;
Jesus, our Lord, is crucified.
How fast His hands and feet are nailed;
His blessed tongue with thirst is tied,
His failing eyes are blind with blood:
Jesus, our Lord, is crucified.
His mother cannot reach His face;
She stands in helplessness beside;
Her heart is martyred with her Son’s:
Jesus, our Lord, is Crucified.
Seven times He spoke, seven words of love;
And all three hours His silence cried
For mercy on the souls of men;
Jesus, our Lord, is crucified.
Come, let us stand beneath the cross;
So may the blood from out His side
Fall gently on us drop by drop;
Jesus, our Lord, is crucified.
O break, O break, hard heart of mine!
Thy weak self-love and guilty pride
His Pilate and His Judas were:
Jesus, our Lord, is crucified.
A broken heart, a fount of tears,
Ask, and they will not be denied;
A broken heart love’s cradle is:
Jesus, our Lord, is crucified.
O love of God! O sin of man!
In this dread act Your strength is tried;
And victory remains with love;
For Thou our Lord, art crucified!

Breakdown: This song bears the rare distinction of being a song that praises the mourning of the Lord’s death, whereas most focus entirely on the victory he accomplishes. This song’s focus is a needed balance in most contemporary Christian minds in that we often forget that though we call the day of the crucifixion “Good Friday” what occurred was actually a grave murdering of an innocent man. Emphasizing this fact for 6 verses makes the final 3 verses of praise stir the emotions deeper and bring to the fore a greater sense of joy.

The only issue I could see one taking with this song would be with stanza 4 and its emphasis on the mother of Christ. While it says nothing unbiblical, and the song was written by an Anglican, it could easily confuse Catholics or those with Catholic backgrounds, while producing no benefit. I would encourage this song be sung minus the 4th stanza

“Blessed Be Your Name” by Matt Redman

Blessed be Your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
And blessed be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

[Chorus:]
Every blessing You pour out I'll
Turn back to praise
And when the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be You name
And blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
I will bless Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
[2x]

Breakdown: The lyrics of this song work as a theology not just of worship, but of the Old Testament as well. Using terms like “Stream of abundance” and “Walk in the wilderness” are clear allusions to Israel and their plight through the desert to Canaan. The lyrics however do not focus on the plight of the person (like most anthrocentric songs) but instead focus on God’s sovereignty in giving and taking away, as well as a more general idea of His sovereignty in every aspect of life which seems implicitly stated.

I would strongly recommend this song be sung often. Aside from the strong theological ideas presented thus far, it also highlights to true impetus of worship stating that praise stems from turning God’s blessing back to Him. Not only is this song sound, but it brings forth a solid theology of worship.

“Every Move I Make” by David Crowder Band or Vineyard or Hillsong (no one online would claim this atrocity)

Na na na na na na na na na na na (x2)

Every move I make I make in You
You make me move Jesus
Every breath I take I breathe in You

Every step I take I take in You
You are my way Jesus
Every breath I take I breathe in You

Waves of mercy, waves of grace
Everywhere I look I see Your face
Your love has captured me
Oh my God, this love
How can it be?

na na na na
na na na na na na
na na na na na na
na na na na

Breakdown: It is difficult to theologically dissect a song as empty as this one. It is possible to look at this song perhaps from a Calvinistic/Reformed stand point thanks to the line “Your love has captured me” but it is unlikely that is what is meant, and even less likely that anyone that share this side of the table with me would claim it. Truthfully, “You make me move” could be an allusion to hyper-calivinism or fatalism, though the context might better be read as “dance”

It could also be argued that “Everywhere I look I see your face” is a reference to natural theology and Rom 1. However, the tone of the song seems to preclude a deep discussion of natural theology, perhaps it might be interpreted this way if there were less “na na”s. The terms “waves of mercy” and “waves of grace” are empty and carry no real meaning.

This song is pabulum at best, the lyrical equivalent of cotton candy at worst. It isn’t harmful, but it’s far from profitable, and if anyone considers it an actual worship song it could foster a misunderstanding of what praise is.

“Let the River Flow” by Darrell Evans

Lyrics: Let the poor man say
I am rich in Him
Let the lost man say
I am found in Him
Let the river flow

Let the blind man say
I can see again
Let the dead man say
I am born again
Let the river flow
Let the river flow

Let the river flow
Let the river flow
Holy Spirit come
Move in power
Let the river flow

Background: There are many positive things to be said for this song. The two verses talk about Christ being our treasure, Christ restoring sight, Christ seeking the lost and Christ restoring life. All 4 of these pictures are straight from the New Testament and are presented in a manner that shows Christ’s power.

However, the phrase “let the river flow” is hollow. What river? This song is not an allusion to the Jordan, Tigress, Euphrates or any other biblical river. It is merely a hollow repetitious phrase that has no Scriptural connotation. Sadly it is the most oft repeated phrase in the song. There is no harm in singing this song, and to an extent it communicates truth, but there are many better songs that can be sung.

“Be Thou My Vision” Translated by Eleanor Hull

Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart,

be all else but naught to me, save that thou art;

be thou my best thought in the day and the night,

both waking and sleeping, thy presence my light.

Be thou my wisdom, be thou my true word,

be thou ever with me, and I with thee Lord;

be thou my great Father, and I thy true son;

be thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one.

Be thou my breastplate, my sword for the fight;

be thou my whole armor, be thou my true might;

be thou my soul's shelter, be thou my strong tower:

O raise thou me heavenward, great Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise:

be thou mine inheritance now and always;

be thou and thou only the first in my heart;

O Sovereign of heaven, my treasure thou art.

High King of heaven, thou heaven's bright sun,

O grant me its joys after victory is won;

great Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,

still be thou my vision, O Ruler of all.

Breakdown: This song is written in the form of a prayer and has no biblical errors at all. The song appeals to God as that which is worthy to focus on, as wise, as armor, as wealth and as the point of existence in general, referencing John 6, Proverbs, Eph 6, Matt 6 and Col 1 respectively. The lyrics are biblically sound and this is therefore is a song that actually leads people to truthfully worship God. I suggest this song is sung often.

“Days of Elijah” by Donnie McClurkin

These are the days of Elijah,
Declaring the word of the Lord:
And these are the days of Your servant Moses,
Righteousness being restored.
And though these are days of great trial,
Of famine and darkness and sword,
Still, we are the voice in the desert crying
'Prepare ye the way of the Lord!'

Behold He comes riding on the clouds,
Shining like the sun at the trumpet call;
Lift your voice, it's the year of jubilee,
And out of Zion's hill salvation comes.

These are the days of Ezekiel,
The dry bones becoming as flesh;
And these are the days of Your servant David,
Rebuilding a temple of praise.
These are the days of the harvest,
The fields are as white in Your world,
And we are the labourers in Your vineyard,
Declaring the word of the Lord!

There's no God like Jehovah.
There's no God like Jehovah! [8]

Breakdown: After looking over the lyrics it should be painfully obvious that this is one of the least coherent songs that is sung in churches today. It is true that Elijah declared the word of the Lord, however Moses does not seem to be connected with restoring righteousness in anyway. Also, the song uses “year of Jubilee” but provides no context or rational reason for its presence. Yet, more obtuse than this is the reference to David rebuilding the temple, when he wasn’t allowed to build it, let alone build it, have it destroyed and then rebuild it. This song is about emotion and pep and that alone.

Also, any song with a [x8] anywhere in its lyrics is one that should not be sung. When a 5 year of asks “why” the first time it has meaning, but everyone knows that the 4th time the word is empty. Matthew 6:7 seems rather strong against vain repetitions. Never sing this song.

“Forever” by Chris Tomlin

Give thanks to the Lord
Our God and King
His love endures forever
For He is good, He is above all things
His love endures forever
Sing praise, sing praise
With a mighty hand
and outstretched arm
His love endures forever
For the life that’s been reborn
His love endures forever
Sing praise, sing praise
Sing praise, sing praise
Yeah
Forever God is faithful
Forever God is strong
Forever God is with us
Forever
Forever
From the rising to the setting sun
His love endures forever
By the grace of God
We will carry on
His love endures forever
Sing praise, sing praise
Sing praise, sing praise
Yeah
Forever God is faithful
Forever God is strong
Forever God is with us
Forever
Forever
Forever God is faithful
Forever God is strong
Forever God is with us
Forever
Forever
Forever
His love endures forever
His love endures forever
His love endures forever
Forever
Sing praise, sing praise
Sing praise, sing praise
Yeah
Forever you are faithful
Forever you are strong
Forever you are with us
Forever
And ever
Yeah
Forever you are faithful
Forever you are strong
Forever you are with us
Forever
Forever
You are God…..
Forever
And ever and ever ….

Breakdown: I would like to be much more negative about this song, but the only real critique I can levy is part of what I mentioned in the last song, hat of vain repetition. However, even that, what is being repeated here are words honoring God as omnipotent, faithful, etc and therefore is reminiscent of the refrain “His steadfast love endures forever” in Psalm 136. The phrase “by His grace we carry on” seems to be at least an allusion to 2 Cor 12:7 in that God shows His strength in our weakness.

I personally do not like this song, but theologically cannot see anything theologically wrong with it, and truthfully see value in it. It’s just repetitive.

“Breathe” by Michael W Smith

This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence living in me

This is my daily bread
This is my daily bread
Your very word spoken to me

And I I'm desperate for you
And I I'm I'm lost without you

Breakdown: This song seems to be appealing to passages of Scripture that indicate that God is our sustainer. It would be inaccurate to understand the second verse as referencing the Lord’s Supper directly, but the allegorical usage of the Eucharist as sustaining clearly is applicable. Also, the emphasis on desperation resonates with the Psalms of ascents, speaking of desiring God more than watchmen long for morning or sailor’s their ports.

On the negative side, the song is again very repetitive (as are most contemporary songs). Also, the analogies are a bit ethereal and therefore sound as though they should be wrong, even though I think it can be argued that they aren’t. This song can be sung, but has been over sung. The words also are completely anthrocentric and are not actually praising God for who He is, but more informing Him as to how greatly He is desired. This song should be use sparingly.

I Always Hated it in School when my Teacher Would Judge Me

2009-08-03T14:27:00.001-07:00

Topic: Being judgmental

I have a problem. Actually, I have a litany of them. One of them though is blinding rage. Yes, blinding rage. You know you have a big problem when the problem you have sounds like they might be an 80’s rock band…this is the reason I’ve always attempted never to have a problem with my Airsupply or a Flock of Seagulls.

Now, this “rage” of mine doesn’t come out at normal times. I get cut off…I’ll probably have a snide comment. A person starts yelling at me, I’ll probably have a cocky grin. Someone does something illogical…there’s a greater than 76% chance I will turned into a green skinned monstrosity and yell “Sam smash puny idea!”….this clearly has plaid havoc with my wardrobe.

Recently I was having a conversation with an unsaved lady that I had come across in my various lunching adventures (as my youth group likes to point out…I meet the oddest people). During the course of our dialogue, she mentioned that pre-marital sex was a great thing…to which I said “You’re wrong”. This clearly led to her putting up shields that would make Darth Vader’s Super Star Destroyer the Executioner shield generators look weak. She looked at me and said that I needed to stop judging her….here is the convo:

Female: You need to stop judging me
Me: I’m not judging you, I just said you’re wrong
F: See! Such judgment!
M: Ok…if that’s judging…why is it bad to judge?
F: Because you are telling me I’m wrong
M: Do you think I’m wrong?
F: Yes
M: Ok…there ya go…you’re judging me then too
F: No I’m not…I would never say that you were wrong. I could never do that to anyone.
M: But you just…
F: I said that I think you are wrong. Not that you are wrong.
M: Same thing
F: Wow, you are close-minded.
M: No, I’m just saying, when I say “You’re wrong” clearly it means “I think you are wrong” and when I say, “I think you’re wrong” clearly I’m under the impression that you are wrong
F: No, “you’re wrong” means you think that you have the right to say if something is wrong for someone else or not, as opposed to just saying if it is wrong in your perspective. You’re just so judgmental and arrogant

Ok, now……this cause blinding rage. Her calling me judgmental? No big. Her calling me arrogant? That’s like a Where’s Waldo book where every page is nothing but a close up picture of Waldo’s face…not that impressive lady. But the mental gymnastics she was performing to hold to her failed worldview…..fury!

So, let’s just lay it out there. There is no problem with judging each other. The Bible says judge not lest you be judged, and then says not to throw pearls to swine. So obviously reading the former as precluding making any judgment calls at all is inadequate, or else Christ never would have expected us to adjudicate who the swine are. Everyday people make judgments as to what is right or wrong, good or bad….Pepsi or Coke. When I go to Best Buy, I buy 1 lap top, and not all of them. Why? I’ve judged one superior than the others. It might be price…it might be features….it might be memory…but for some reason last June I judged that my iBook was a better call than an HP with a processor on it that says “Will crash 4 times in the next year or your money back”

The fact is, this lady’s understanding of judgment comes from the Enlightenment thinker David Hume and his emotivist ethics…she’s inherited her worldview from the feminist ethic as well. But all of that to say….its patently idiotic. If I run across a guy beating a 5 y/o child with a chain, I’m not going to say, “I think what you are doing is wrong and you should stop!” and when he gets brought to trial I won’t say, “Now now jury…I think what he did was very wrong….but who am I to judge…and you with the black robe on…you better have an open mind about this one”

Wrong is wrong. Let’s debate what is wrong, but let’s not pretend that opinions are binding. Or that in debating opinions we some how escape the fact that we are debating truth. When I claim something to be wrong, I am not merely saying that I think its wrong, I’m saying that I think what I do based upon a founded belief about the ethical situation in and of itself. So you better do the same. Don’t pretend that you think the holocaust was only wrong in your opinion. That isn’t a heightened form of wisdom, its lunacy and goes against the innate ideas that make humans humans.

And again…anger!!!!

I probably should do a post on the Abolition of Man some time….

Nice Pick-Up (Truck) Line…

2009-07-31T11:25:00.001-07:00

Topic: A more effective way than a TV dating show to find the love of your life

A few days ago I was talking with my long lost friend Shanda on the phone while she was driving in the wonderful land of TX. In the midst of our conversation she abruptly said, “Someone just hit me, I have to go”. This clearly was disconcerting since she lives in TX meaning there is a greater than 75% chance that she was hit by a large truck with bull horns on the front while the driver was eating ribs.

Note: I love stereotypes and think people need to stop pretending they are an awful taboo. I write this from California meaning that as I type this, I’m actually longing to go out and surf with all my celebrity friends, while we talk about my liberal view points all the while protesting for illegal immigrant right and the freedom of puppies to vote in the next election. Granted I’m in Orange County, so I’m probably just a conservative white person that hates taxes and cares about myself enough to have a vanity license plate, all the while being pretentious enough to know that I like gelato more than ice cream…..but I digress….

Shanda called me back and said she was fine, as was the car. This was good news, as was the exchange she had with the driver of the other car. They spoke about her window clinger and she explained that it stood for “Not of this world” and that the object he couldn’t identify was a cross. He said he had a cross tattooed on his leg and showed her. That was the end.

I told her that I thought it was interesting, because Shanda, being Shanda, saw the accident as a witnessing opportunity and explained her window clinger. The man, being a man, saw this as an opportunity to pick up on a woman…and like all brilliant males…thought the ideal way to do this was to show his tattoo.

This led me to what I think is a wonderful idea that I’m going to suggest to my son if I have one…or may just try myself. If there is a female driving in front of you with a Christian bumper sticker on her car…just run into her. Even if its just soft enough to slow her down. Then you get to have this convo…

Male: Oh no…it looks as though I’ve hit your car
Female: That’s ok, it doesn’t look like there’s any damage
M: Still, I feel horrible…
F: No no, its ok…
M: Forsooth! What’s this…a bumper sticker that says Daddy’s Girl with a verse below it indicating God is your Father??
F: Oh yeah, I’m a Christian
M: I can’t believe I hit my sister in Christ, I have a tattoo saying I won’t do that, let me show you (note: you may need to draw this in marker post-collision)
F: Huh…odd you’d have that on your lower back…
M: You should probably give me your number so we can talk about insurance matters
F: I think everything’s ok actually
M: You say that now, but I think we should exchange numbers in case you change your mind…or maybe we go and partake of a Jamba Juice while you wait to see if your bumper falls off
F: Um…I got a thing…

Also, when I said the bumper sticker said “Daddy’s Girl” I presume that at least 50% of all readers presumed the car was a Jetta. Why? Because the Jetta is the Hello Kitty of cars

I thought it was interesting…

2009-07-29T10:38:00.000-07:00

I just learned that multiple times in the late 1800’s and early to mid-1900’s, various counties in Southern Oregon and Northern California attempted to form a new state named Jackson because they thought their civic needs were being neglected. I thought that was interesting. It would have been a republican leaning state as well, stealing I believe 1 or 2 electoral votes from OR and a few from CA which would be good for the country’s sanity as well.

But I think Jackson is a crappy name for a state.

It Appears Someone Closed the Algonquin. Or: Why Ideas Should not Breed in Captivity

2009-07-28T14:33:00.001-07:00

Yes, I was torn between both possible titles for this sblog entry, so I went with both. This is the same line of thinking that has often times found me holding 2 different flavors of chicken wings, and probably should be put to rest. However it is still wide awake…

Topic: Treating ideas like porcelain dolls

I have many times in the past written about the need for Christians to be “close-minded” because when we aren’t devastatingly dangerous theology starts creeping into the church. This is not such a rant. If you would like such a rant, I kindly suggest you look at a note I wrote on Facebook back in February which turned into the motivation to start the Sblog.

No, this entry is actually more pointed at the sad state of society and the way that it views ideas. Throughout history, ideas have existed mainly because another idea was seen as inaccurate. The reason Aristotle became popular was because everyone love Plato and Aristotle had the gull to throw him under the bus…clearly making him the Richard Hatch of classical thought.

Throughout classical and even early modern thought, people would actually bring forth ideas, believe them, and then wait others to disagree with them and defend them. Through doing so, their ideas became more precise. They became more careful thinkers. Aquinas could write a 2 million word masterpiece because people would disagree with him and debate the matter.

Even in the early 1900’s people would still debate ideas and challenge them, even if they didn’t really “believe” them so much as feel like they ought to believe in something. This has all changed though. People do not challenge ideas. Ideas are cute little cuddly things that should be looked at and accepted, but if you challenge them, you are awful. The predominate value in western society today is freedom, with tolerance riding close behind (and I’ve much to say about those subjects as well…). This is of course ironic, because ideas are no longer roaming free….its as though they have been put in what we can call an Idea Zoo.

As I envision it, the Idea Zoo is a fanciful place where people can walk around and look at ideas in various locations, but from a safe distance that will make sure they do not interact with the ideas too much. Sure maybe when you walk past the Tolerance aquarium you knock on it to get its attention. And there are plenty of times that visitors to the zoo take pictures pretending they are riding on the back of Pluralism. Heck, you might even be allowed to feed Self-Centeredness and Self-Esteem if you pay the required 25 cents for feed; but that’s about all the interaction we are allowed to have with ideas any more. If you dare to jump over the fence and try and play with one of these ideas, the guards at the idea zoo will shoot you down immediately.

Ideas are meant for the wild. The reason people keep such strong fences around their ideas in the aforementioned zoo is for the same reason that actual zoos don’t let lions birthed in captivity into the wilderness. They can’t survive. The people at the San Diego (Zoo Mecca as it were) know that is they released one of their lions into its natural habitat, having been raised in captivity it will be unable to find food or defend itself. Ideas birthed in captivity are the same way.

See, when ideas get to say what they want, unchecked and unchallenged, they produce weaker and weaker offspring that cannot stand up under critique. I’m listening to a series of lectures by a professor of Rhetoric at Berkley and he is asserting one of the foundational ideas of Deconstructionalism as fact, when in reality it is an idea that just has not say through a roundtable poking fun at it. He has said many times in his lecture that there is nothing outside the text. Once an author writes or speaks a sentence, the sentence can mean whatever it is interpreted as, it does not matter what the author says. This is a defiantly proud theory, and seems rather bold. He has used it to break down all manner of literary analysis in the classic works and has said that all that matters is what the reader—the interpreter—gets out of the text. The class seems in awe of this ideas brilliance…and yes, its plumage looks wonderful in captivity…

But thrown out in the wild it gets mauled to death by one of Post-Modernism’s natural predators: Reason, Logic or the speckled Common Sense. Any idea that must refute itself in order to be true is hardly an idea at all. If authorial intent doesn’t matter, than the professor’s words mean nothing by the time they hit the ears of his students. He is using a medium to convey meaning that he asserts is meaningless. Further, he will grade their papers on this topic based upon whether or not the paper reflects a proper understanding of what he has conveyed about the words not having any meaning aside from what he gives them. Therefore he is grading a paper that means nothing, written from students who have learned nothing about an idea that can only exist in the professor’s head. This is why it is foolish that Derrida wrote a 500 page book arguing that words have no meaning. It sounds challenging, but when logic is applied, the idea dies.

Sadly, this leads to those that unleash reason on the ideas being labeled “close-minded” or “judgmental”….and called these things in a bad light, which truthfully is odd, but will be talked about at a later date I’m sure. Granted this dialogue does at least shed light on where the aforementioned idea came from. You see, when pressed, those who come up with such foolish ideas cannot defend them, but will throw and endless stream of “why’s” at the idea’s assailant. The thought is that if they can push an objector away from the idea enough by having to give an infinite regress of reasons that eventually they will get to a point they can say “Oh, we just have different opinions” and pretend the matter is therefore solved. This is very much what Mindy from Animaniacs would do before saying, “Ok I love you, bye bye” which oddly enough is a very postmodern ending once all things are considered.

If you actually made it this far in a purely philosophical rant that had less humor in it than Shindler’s List playing at a 5 y/o’s birthday party, I’m rather impressed. I suppose what I suggest is that people start storming the Idea Zoos and little all the inhabitants out and seeing how well the ideas born in captivity fair against real ideas. That’s what happened when AJ Ayer finally had his own verification principle thrown at his ideas and he saw them die a very savage Discovery Channel/Natural Geographical style death. And truthfully, in many of the Universities where thinking is held in a higher regard than feeling (Harvard, Princeton, Oxford, Cambridge, etc), Post-Modernism is dead anyway. The philosophical movement has already lost the war. Let’s just speed up the process in destroy all the rest of the foolish ideas that people don’t question anymore.

The Nichomachean Bathroom

2009-07-22T17:28:00.000-07:00

Topic: Ethical dilemmas and public restrooms

Ethical debates are fun. Everyone always throws out the “Is it a sin to lie about hiding Jews in Nazi Germany?” question or the old “Is it wrong to steal to feed your family?” query. But I think there is a greater ethical dilemma the Christian world must face. One of such profound practicality, that all churches that focus on “application” as opposed to theology ought ask it daily! This question my friends…is that of the rest room.

See, it is almost unanimously agreed upon by Christians everywhere that speeding is a sin. There are those that debate that fact, and I personally think the arguments on both side are rather compelling. On the “Speeding is a sin” side, there is the obvious statement that man is to be subject to his ruling body in all matters that do not get set at odds with God. So, if the state says “Speed Limit” breaking the limit is breaking the law, and therefore is a sin. On the other side, the argument that laws are meant for protection and safety and there are times in which going 65 miles per hour set you in a position where you are no longer safe. Personally, since I’m not convinced…I usually try not to go over 70…that way if it is a sin, it’s not a flagrant one…and as we all know…the flagrancy of sin is what makes it truly evil…(I need to form an opinion on this swiftly)

However, even though there is an almost unanimous voice calling speeding a sin, there is an even more unanimous voice that is silent on the issue of inter-gender restroom use. I thought of this ethical debate about 4 years ago. I was alone at my old church one Sunday afternoon and decided since the women’s restroom was attached to the building and not exterior as the men’s was, I would just use it. As I opened the door, I thought, “Am I lying right now? If this restroom is only for women, is my entering in it a form of claiming to be female and therefore lying about my gender?” I then thought, “Ooooorrrrrr, am I looking at what has been established as the women’s restroom, and defying the edict of those above me by using the women’s restroom?” So I have now and then kicked the idea around in my head….a man using a women’s restroom…is it a lie or an act of defiance against those that make the rules? Clearly no one has ever been sent to prison for illicit use of the opposite gender’s potty (at least not outside of Soviet Russia…I’m sure they did that sort of thing….it explains Yakov Smirnoff), but punishment isn’t the predicate that determines a thing’s wrongness.

So, while it may be tongue and cheek…as a philosopher…looking at the logic of the argument…both restroom genders and the speed limit are laws of the land…one gets you punished…the other kinda laughed at. But both entail going against an established order, or against the ruler ship of those above you…in one case its against the government, in the other a store or office…so it seems a valid analogy.

Anyway….so that’s the irresolvable ethical debate I have about bathrooms.

The (KC) Masterpiece of Salvation. Or: God Always hits the “Bullseye”

2009-07-17T13:42:00.000-07:00

Topic: Total Depravity and Irresistible Grace

I hate sour cream. Seriously. It’s the Devil’s ketchup. I also hate guacamole, which has lead some people to assert that I cannot enjoy Mexican food. These people are wrong for a litany of reasons that won’t be discussed here, but rest assured the only people wronger than they are the ones that thought Laser Disc would take off.

Conversely, I love BBQ sauce. And when I say that, let me clarify that I do mean love…I mean seriously….if a woman went to Bath and Body works and bought a lotion that smelt like BBQ sauce, I’d probably propose immediately. Also, let me clarify that I don’t mean all BBQ sauces. They must taste like BBQ sauce. They can’t taste like ketchup with extra salt….I’m looking at you Wendy’s. Clearly if Wendy’s BBQ sauce is the only condiment around…sure, I can use it, but over all, not my fav.

So, to respond to Amber’s request for a blog on Calvinism back in March, here is my take on at least part of the TULIP. Let’s say I’m in a situation where I’m eating a food that could be eaten with both BBQ sauce and sour cream. I don’t know what this food is, but let’s pretend its chicken strips (the official food of 4 y/o’s and mid-20’s man-children everywhere)? Can you dip chicken strips in sour cream? I honestly don’t know. But in this analogy, dipping chicken strips in sour cream is more natural than an Oreo in milk (which is hyper natural by the way).

So, I’m eating chicken strips and my only dipping options are sour cream and Wendy’s BBQ sauce. My options suck, but I’m so repulsed by sour cream that my only option in Wendy’s BBQ sauce…and I’ve eaten it enough that I’m actually under the impression that it’s good BBQ sauce. So everyday I eat my chicken strips with Wendy’s BBQ sauce, and I think everything is awesome. Then one day, some one comes by and says that he is going to have to fix the lighting in the room (sure, we can call him Spirit…not to be confused with the Stallion of the Simeron) and when he does, I realize that what I thought was a bowl with white sour cream in it actually was jus a bowl that has really shiny saran wrap on it that reflected the light making its contents look white, when really it was a brownish-red color.

So, I ask the light changer what’s in the bowl, and he says it’s the Hickory Smoked BBQ sauce from Wing Stop. I thank him for letting me know (though this is the part in Plato’s Allegory of the Cave where he’d be beaten to death) and get my chicken strips and walk over to the bowl that I now accurately perceive as Hickory BBQ. I look at the Wendy’s BBQ that I’m used to and realize that this BBQ looks better, smells better, etc…so, having been illuminated as to what this bowl really is, and having gone from it being something hyper repulsive to something crazy awesome looking, I clearly choose this bowl of BBQ. Could I choose to go against that and freely choose the Wendy’s BBQ? Sure it’s a logical possibility. But I won’t. I am in fact irresistibly drawn to this better sauce. Why? Because my perception of what is in the bowl has been made new.

Suddenly, I realize I wasn’t happy with my old sauce, I love this new sauce. It’s the best sauce ever and want to enjoy it at every meal. Can I choose my old sauce still? Sure…and now and then I do because its habit, and after I do it I’m always mad at myself and disappointed because it really just leaves you feeling empty and like you wasted a chance at eating better sauce. Thankfully, the more a person realizes and appreciates the Wingstop Hickory BBQ sauce, the less attractive the Wendy’s one becomes….but that’s the doctrine of sanctification/perseverance of the saints….I’m aiming at Total Depravity and Irresistible Grace:]

Is this a stupid analogy? No. Is it a very stupid analogy? Yes….yes it is. Does this analogy make me sound a little too into BBQ? Yes. Am I ok with that? Yes…and I only asked that to take advantage of the comedic rule of 3.

When I present this analogy to my youth group I use pizza and dog poop (I mean I’ve never brought them in…but still)…but it doesn’t matter what 2 items you use. The thing is, I used to hate the doctrines of Total Depravity and Irresistible Grace. I thought they were vile. But then I realized that humanity is really screwed up. Even I as a child of God still delight in evil now and then for a few moments, and then hate myself afterward (hence the Wendy’s BBQ relapse…wretched man that I am!). Once I started building my theology of sin, I realized a lost person loves themselves and sin too much to ever choose to submit to God, unless something in them changed to make them perceive God as something greater than they saw Him to be. And once that change happened, once they saw that God was not something vile to be trampled on, rather someone absolutely amazing, then even though they could reject Him, they wouldn’t. Their desire would be for Him. Doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t go through periods of messing that up, but He would be, to borrow from Anselm, That-then-which-a-greater-cannot-be-thought and the regenerate/illuminated soul would choose Him.

This is a secondary issue…its non-salvific and there are plenty of people who disagree with me. Plenty of people tha can see the value in the analogy, but would spin it differently at the end to make it a decisional regeneration (this would entail the sour cream gradually changing into something else, or the person growing to love sour cream as opposed to an immediate perceptional change probably…though I’m not sure). And of course, plenty of people will be furious that they read a blog entry as lame as to compare salvation to switching BBQ sauce flavors (I feel your pain most of all). But, hey…I was asked to rite on it forever ago and I’m trying to post more frequently.

So, in review: Man only chooses God due to a perceptional change that occurs within Him that steams from being made new, or regeneration (which the Spirit brings about). After this, man can freely choose to proceed being at enmity with God, but he never will (logical possibility, not logical plausibility). After salvation, due to the existence of the old nature, man can and will still choose to damage that relationship with God, but that is a sanctification issue and outside the scope of this lengthy post.

Also, I love BBQ sauce.

Ok, so, that’s how I present at least that part of predestination to my youth group and it seems to hold pretty well for me. Now, that’s 2 posts in 2 days…I’m kind of a machine.

It was Called “Pro”hibition as opposed to “Con”hibition for a Reason….

2009-07-16T10:39:00.001-07:00

Topic: One of my biggest pet Peeves

When I was in High School, back in he year 2000 (In the year ttwwwooo ttthhhooouuussssaaannnnnddd for fans of Conan O’Brien) I was given a rare opportunity to increase my social standing at school. See, I had made a bit of an unconscious decision that I would pour all my charisma, wit, charm and humor into my church and AWANA related activities….leaving my actual time at school a barren wasteland that merely served to supply stories to tell my church/AWANA friends about.

Well, my junior year, I was invited to a party by one of the more popular guys in my Physiology class. (Please note: Being popular in Physiology makes you about cool enough to get swirled in the cleanest toilet.) He was a Christian guy and asked if I wanted to go to a party this weekend. His whole table of friends thought I’d be a lot of fun there, so I asked what you do at a party, because in my world “party” was code word for “Get together and play Taboo” (note: “party” still serves this function in my vocabulary). This is what followed (I think his name was Russell…or Kyle…but not the Kyle I normally hung out with…which means I’ll be going with Russell):

S: So, what are you guys going do at this party?
R: Probably hang out, listen to music, drink, get stupid, you know…the norm
S: Drink and get stupid?
R: Yeah….last weekend’s party was great…I dson’t remember much…but I know one of our friends go so hammered that he passed out in the tub
S: Huh…
R: Yeah….:::looking around at his friends::: so we peed on him. It was great
S: …..
S: …..
S: …..
S: So….if I come to the party, there is a good chance that I will not remember my weekend….and if I do, it will more than likely consist of me urinating on or being urinated on by other people that can’t remember the weekend?
R: Hahaha, yup!
S: It’s a good sales pitch, really…but um…I think I got a thing….

Now, I’m fully aware that not all Christians use alcohol in that way. And I’m fully aware that as soon as a teetotaler starts talking about drinking, every Christian that enjoys the alcohol readies their “Christian Liberty” canons…and that’s good. Drinking isn’t a sin. Neither is punching an emu in the face. But man, emu’s are expensive, and once you finally get one, and punch it in its face, sure its funny the 1st few times, but then it gets loud and annoying and tries to beak you. This leaves you thinking “What a stupid idea that was” So don’t punch emus!

I think drinking is the same way. I hang out with people that drink, and it’s interesting to watch as people get exponentially less interesting the more they consume, all the while they think they are getting exponentially more interesting. I call it the Law of Inverse Social Self Assessment (LISSA as it were). This law basses off of the fact that the more someone drinks, the more they think they and those around them are funny. I have been in some groups in which I could have said “spatula” and made them laugh. This is not at all the discount the comedic delivery I bring to the fore whilst speaking the names of cooking utensils…lord knows I crack up when I hear me say apple corer…but more to say that I’d like to work harder.

Does this mean I’m against alcohol? No, I love NyQuil. When I’m couching, sneezing, aching and need to rest its my medicine. But that’s as far as I go. One thing I do think id funny is that my unsaved friends talk about drinking less than my saved friends. And that my unsaved friends almost never give me a hard time about drinking, as opposed to my saved ones that often feel the need to argue me into it.

This all leads me to wonder if the modern fascination with drinking in the church amid 20 and 30 something years olds in America that are not of the reformed tradition (check that disclaimer out!) has less to do with “Christian Liberty” and more to do with a heard instinct. “If you drink and I drink and they drink then its ok to drink and all those that don’t drink are condemning me.” Or maybe it’s a little bit o’ rebellion. Or maybe its just people honestly enjoying the flavor of a beverage and the fact that it makes them more likely to talk louder and laugh uncontrollably at something that isn’t that funny is merely a side effect (to this group I say “Sorry about the post…not aimed at you…but if there’s a virgin version of your drink that tastes the same, you aren’t being honest;]”).

I do know that listening to people taste wine is tantamount the most self-fulfilling conversation I’ve ever heard. Spending all night sipping a beverage and talking about its history and flavor etc is considered classy when its wine…but foolish when it’s Dr Pepper. “Yes, just hold the DP on the back of your tongue for a moment and you can taste the 23 different flavors that comprise this. Now, cleans the pallet and we will move on to Jones Soda…” When I go to dinner and have good steak…I will say, “This is good steak”…and I might at most rave about it for a moment or 2…but after 5 min…if I haven’t moved on to talking about something else…that pretty much makes me a glutton.

I have tons of friends I disagree with on this. And truth be told, my reasons for having never drank come from alcohol damaging my family gravely, and seeing all the negative consequences of drinking, and thus far having only heard anyone say that the positive effects are being relaxed and feeling warm. In my mind, that means you should just go golf wearing a sweatshirt and get the same effect. But, drinking isn’t a sin at all….clearly not if Jesus turned water to wine, etc. I just wonder how idolized it’s become amid my peers, and where’s the value to it. And I wonder if it as an idol might put people more at risk of the enemy the walks as a lion seeking whom he may devour, given that their faculties are shot enough to think “spatula” is funny(ier than it really is…but c’mon…it’s a funny word)

My Crappy Life (pun intended)

2009-06-29T12:24:00.000-07:00

So, I suppose I’ve had far too narrow a view of blogging…thinking I must always have a topic and be funny, when so many people just prattle on about their day. Well, I probably should prattle a bit as well, because my experiences this weekend are well worth prattling…

Topic: What happened on Saturday. Or: Why I’m glad I don’t have a 2 y/o of my own
Warning: Potty humor to follow. I have posted this during the 12 o’clock hour…you may wish to not read this is eating lunch

This past weekend I was hanging out with Team Davis, Team Fox and Travis (who is more of a lone wolf than a team…though admittedly together I guess we form Team Other, or Team Unattached…but I’d rather be non-teamed) for Travis’ birthday. In the middle of playing a game… what game is 100% not important….a strange odor filled the room. I looked to my right, and Taylor Davis, Justin and Rachel’s adorable daughter, was standing next to me with a look on her face that kinda said “oops”. I presumed that she had just messed her diaper…but she had done so much more than that. I looked at her hands…and she was attempting to give me her poop laden diaper. She had literally pooped her diaper…and taken it off….and was now trying to hand it to me…because apparently I seem like the kind of person that would want such a thing.

Thankfully Raych went into full on Mom cleaning mode and went wet wipe crazy…but whilst she was doing so…Justin learned that not only did Tay mess her pants and take them off, but that after doing so she sat on the toilet for a few min, and also tried eating some of what she had produced.

Oddly enough, it was at this time that Travis took a break from the game in order to get pizza.

So….that was my Sat night. I learned that when a 2 y/o sees me…she thinks, “Hey….that guy would like a present….but a homemade one” ….and then puts a lot of thought; well…effort really…puts a lot of effort into its creation. I feel ever so pleased.

Wiki-Awesome

2009-06-17T13:48:00.001-07:00

Since I can’t always be funny (as my last post shows rather clearly), I’ve decided (thanks to urging by a certain man named Javier) that I should post my daily Wikipedia jaunts on here. A Wikipedia Jaunt (now capitalized because I just made it a proper title…before that ending of last sentence it was under review), or WJ, is when you start with one topic, and by clicking links to read up on other topics, knowing that on Wikipedia, about 93% of what you read is accurate, and the rest would like to be. So….here is what I learned today….

Topic: Wikipedia Jaunt 1

As I opened Wkipedia today, I saw a posting on Hurricane Irene-Olivia, which in 1971 became the first tropical storm to cross from the Caribbean (pronounced “Care-A-Bee-ian) into the Pacific (pronounced “Pa-sif-ik”). This storm started in the Windward Islands and ended by drenching Yuma, Arizona.

This led me toward the Windward Islands (because it sounded like something out of a Ledged of Zelda game called Wind Waker…yeah, I’m an adult), which as it turns out are part of the Windward Antilles, as opposed to the Leeward Antilles, which are called that because they are down wind from the predominate trade winds of the area.

So I thought I should check out the Leeward Antilles, which led me to find out that the population of the Netherlands’ territorial island of Saba increases yearly by about 300 when their medical college is in session, and that the British Virgin Islands use the US dollar as their primary form of currency. Also, Anguilla is new to the tourism business and usually only sees 25K tourists a year, the majority of which are ecotourists.

All of this Antilles reading made me wonder where the name came from…and it turns out its from “Antilla” which was a postulated island or archipelago in the west during the period of exploration (which I think was a very cool time to live in for reasons that I shall probably address in a real blog soon). Antilla was associated with the ancient concept of The Isle of the Blest, which was the land on the far west that divided the world of man from the River Oceanus, which fed into the world ocean. The isle of the Blessed, also called the Fortunate Isles, were the lands where the heroes of ancient times were thought to be received into rest by the gods. This view combined the islands of Antilla with the Elysian Fields of Greek Myth and was probably held to late in the Classical period.

Ok…clearly this can lead me to Ancient Grecian myth….or the Canary Islands, another suggested referent for the Isles of the Blessed….but I’ll end the Jaunt here….

It's Warmer at Knight....

2009-06-08T17:15:00.000-07:00

Topic: Medieval Weather Patterns

Well everyone, it’s that time of year again. The sun is shining (it is blocked by cloud coverage and haze here in southern California…but in the stratosphere….oh so shiny…), school is almost out and the beach calls to many for miles around. And all of this can only mean 1 thing: It is time for Al Gore and his friends to awaken from hibernation.

You see, every year about June a phenomenon called “Global Warming” starts (in the past it has been called “Summer”) and it stays with us until about October when it gets cold and people start having ice storms. During these months, Al Gore and his friends will either hibernate, or try and convince people that the blizzards happening in the mid-west are because of “global warming”…..by the way, this attempt will not gat them an increased following.

Seriously though, I am more than a little amused by Global Warming. First off, last year was the coldest year in 10 years…so…that is really inconvenient for some people’s “truth.” Second, the North Pole which should have completely liquefied last summer is larger now than its been in many years. That’s a pain.

But here’s the big thing. Allegedly “Global Warming” and the accompanying end of the world that R.E.M. is so fond to sing of is brought on by our use of various carbon-monoxide producing fuels, not recycling and I’m sure Styrofoam is part of this evil empire as well. Which is totally true. See, back in the Middle Ages there was what was called “The Medieval Warm Period” in which temperatures spiked between the 800’s and t “the little ice age” (about 400 years ago). So, it can only be assumed that Charlemagne and his army produced a massive amount of smog that destroyed the o-zone layer….but the rise of Modernism fixed it.

Yes, it is true that temperatures are hotter now than we estimate they have been in the last 2000 years; however in 1965 it finally was as hot as it had been in the year 1000. Maybe its just safe to presume that all the catastrophes of “global warming” are part of a cycle that happened independent of humanity, and there is a coincidental relationship between the temperature spike, and smog. If not, the warm period had to be explained along the same lines that the present concern is…and that doesn’t work. So what I’m saying, is go fill your Styrofoam car up with leaded gas and then light it on fire.

Seriously everyone….give me topic ideas…..

The Kenosis of Language

2009-05-29T11:30:00.000-07:00

Topic: The pseudo-convo

Originally I was going to call this “office speak” but I realized that the issue is deeper than just the business world….its a distinctly American form of communication. Be it at work, or in a store or anywhere, it is possible to hear this conversation between fictional characters Sam and Bam (why Sam and Bam? Because they are short and easily abbreviated):

S: Hey man, how you doin’
B: I’m doin’
S: That’s good I suppose…staying out of trouble?
B: As best I can….
S: Startin’ any?
B: Hahaha, you know me….what about you? You keeping your nose clean?
S: Now and then
B: Haha, alright, good catchin’ up…you have a good day
S: Same to you man

Ok, now can anyone tell me what actually transpired in the above conversation? Because I have no clue. Let’s dissect this a tad:

1) Sam posits a valid inquiry into how Bam is doing, but Bam responds by mimicking back the question. We don’t let that happen in any other field of life. If I go to a restaurant and the waitress asks “Would you like the soup of the day” and I respond “Soup of the day, hehe” she would respond with, “So is that a yes on the chowder….or are you an idiot?”

2) Granted, the conversational deflection stems from the fact that when someone asks “How you doin’” what they usually mean is “Platitude, socially acceptable platitude” (unless they are Joey Tribioni…then it means something else entirely). So, of course Bam will deflect, because if he doesn’t the convo goes thusly:

S: Hey man, how you doin’
B: Not well.
S: Oh…..what’s wrong?
B: Sometimes the weight of the world seems too much to bear. From North Korea’s military exploits, to the fear of terrorism, the fact that we can’t cure aids or cancer, the world’s homeless and malnourished population is increasing and global warming is destroying the Antarctic home of the harp seal…some times I end up in a Keirkrgaardian existential funk ya know?
S: …..
S……
S: …..
S: I had a friend in College that played the hap. Nice guy.

For some reason, we are unable to actually interact in a state of realism.

3) “Staying out of trouble” is a somewhat innocuous term that I think is translated roughly as “Are you having fun?” This could be related to the idea that in Norse myth the trickster god Loki would take joy and pleasure in playing pranks on people; or perhaps it comes from the Grecian Dionysus who was the god of drink, feasting and partying of every kind. However, it most probably comes from the fact that “staying out of trouble” is less offensive and bold than: “How’s your drinking problem?” “Are you enjoying sleeping with many women” or “Have you related to your co-workers how lowly you esteem them, your boss in particular?” Thos questions would be deemed socially inacceptable, though they are the same as the one that is asked. Unless the question “Stayin’ out of trouble?” Is actually “Stayin’ out of Trouble” at which point it’s a board game query and I’m Sorry that I’ve misunderstood this as a social Taboo or innocuous Catch Phrase. Also, Hungry Hungry Hippos.

4) “Keeping your nose clean?” Again, I may misunderstand this. Bam may honestly be interested in the hygienic state of Sam’s nasal passage; however it is my understanding that this is not the case. This is an insincere euphemistic way of asking if a person is doing anything of interest, without the asker actually having to pretend to know anything about the askee. For example:

B: Hey, keeping your nose clean?
S: I’m trying….working on this article….I might get it published

Notice that Bam says nothing of real value to Sam, who then volunteers something positive because a negative response such as:

B: Hey, keeping your nose clean?
S: Nope, did some Heroin last night then punched a baby

…would elicit an awkward moment in the break room. However, if Bam presupposed what Sam had done or was doing in his question, it runs the risk of looking like this:

B: Hey, think that article you’re working on will get published?
S: Dude…I’m dyslexic and unconfident in my writing ability…you know that. I can’t believe what kind of a jerk you are. I’ll be talking to HR about this.

So obviously it’s safer to speak in euphemism for both parties.

5) The final point of grief I think is that people honestly consider this conversation, and that the majority of people we meet throughout the day we have this relationship with. “Good catchin’ up”….nothing was said. If you leave 60% of your conversations knowing nothing more than “Bam is alive” you don’t know Bam. Now, I’m not saying everything needs to be this ultra-deep, introspective, let’s not talk unless we can block out an hour style craziness….but if you’re going to say something, say something. Words convey meaning, and even though Derrida would have me for this, words actually have meaning. When I say a word, I am referencing an ontological reality greater than the vocal projection itself. Conversations like this one deflate the meaning of words and leave them as empty since they do not actually signify anything. This leads to an increased distance between people and the overwhelming apathy and ennui that stem from knowing nothing about anyone.

This concludes the Office post trilogy. I am now taking ideas for new blog topics.

WWJD? Wear Sandals to Work. Seriously, He did….

2009-05-19T12:27:00.000-07:00

Topic: Professionalism

There is a strong chance that in addition to bringing a philosophy degree to the table, my penchant for being real makes me a highly undesirable employee. At first I just thought was just in sales teams where there’s so much spin that happens here that you have to take Dramamine to make it through the day. However, upon further reflection, I think there is an apparently universally agreed upon false reality that is projected on life which is the norm for the business world which I don’t adhere well to. This false reality is called “professionalism” and I really think that the church would do a good job staying away from what it entails, because its rather fake. (Also because entities projecting a false reality in which they interact is the basis of Scientology, and I don’t want the alien lord Zenu trapping us in a volcano).

Now, when I’m talking about “being real,” please realize I’m not using it like the Rob Bell/Brain McLaren post-modernists that basically think “be authentic” means “We want to go out of our way to swear in church and dress like Justin Timberlake”. No, I mean it as in actually being yourself. For example, when I came and interviewed here at Jesus Bank, I put on dress shoes, black pants, a button up shirt and a tie. I was interviewed by a guy wearing the same. I have seen this man outside work. He and I both were in shorts, sandals and a t-shirt. The whole company is actually made up of people that, if they had their druthers (I hear you can buy your own druthers at CVS pharmacies) would be in shorts, sandals and t-shirts.

So what benefits are there to being professional? I can’t see any. This is why I have a toy collection at work

(Note: This started off as the Office Banter post…but took a left turn, so it is the pre-amble to the Office Banter post, and the 2nd part in the official Office Post Trilogy)

A Problem Ghosts Know Nothing Of…

2009-05-05T10:57:00.000-07:00

Topic: Distance

Ok, so we all know that the work place is basically a bastion of awkward happenings. There’s the meaningless office banter, which I should write on one day because its beautiful…I mean, when you ask someone how they’re doing and they say, “I’m doin’” and give a laugh…what does that even mean? And then you feel forced to respond with something equally awkward.

However, not what I’m writing about today. Today is the more awkward situation of trying to adjudicate how far away someone has to be in order for you to hold the door open for them. I hate this. And I hate this on both ends. If I’m 3 or 4 steps behind you and you hold the door open, I’m grateful…but when we have a few yards between us…let that door close my friend. See, because when someone holds a door open, if you don’t reciprocate the kindness by walking faster, you look like a jerk. I hate that! So now, the door holder has thrust speed walking upon you as though you were their manservant, and it is expected that you will thank them for it when you get through the door; the door, which might require the amount of force to open that I can muster up in my pinky. My pinky….not the strongest of all fingers mind you.

The worse rendition of this is one that confronts me at my job all the time: the door at the top of the stairs. As bothersome as it is to speed walk the last few steps to a door, its worse to make someone do that up the last few stairs. Why….why would anyone do that? How is it polite for a person to hold the door open and then look at you and basically say, “C’mon…I got things to do so hustle”? This frustration has actually led to me slowing my walk to an amble if someone is about 10 paces in front of me as we approach the stairs. By slowing my walk, I assure that there will be plenty of space between myself and the potential door opener that I shouldn’t have even come into their periphery when they get to the door, and I can walk the steps in piece. The blessed piece of a man not forced to run up stairs in a polo shirt and slacks at the behest of a socially obligated do-gooder.

That being said…if my hands are full? I don’t care where I am…that door stays open and you just have to wait doorman….you just have to wait.

When was the last time you Samvangelized?

2009-04-24T16:07:00.000-07:00

When people say, “I don’t need theology”….I die a little inside. Not just because “theology” and “buffalo wings” would be 2 of my Facebook “Five things I love more than ever” list, but also because anyone that claims they have no need for theology is pretty foolish…and I do not do super well with the fools. I should work on that…

When some people say they don’t need theology, they follow it up with “I just want to love God”…and that’s cool. Problem is that that statement presumes 1) A God exists and 2) He is an object worthy of love. That’s theology. You can make no statement about God that is not a theological one. So, you can’t “just love God” w/o theology…I mean…how do you even know what God you are loving w/o theology? Defining Jesus as God is a theological statement.

The bigger issue I have is with what someone told me this semester in my theology class. They said they didn’t see the need for theology because they’d never use the big words they are learning here when witnessing. The “hypostatic union” is not a useful evangelism tool. Again, I agree…but, Christianity isn’t about evangelism. Yes…that’s shocking I know…and I will say it again…just to drive home the point of my bold and shock inducing claim…inspite of what you have been told, Christianity is not about evangelism. It’s about Christ.

Now rest assured, I love and support evangelism…and I know that evangelizing is a means we show our love for Christ…but at the end of the day, Christianity is about Christ. Theology is studying Christ. It seems kind of important.

Let’s say I have a friend…or at least a person that knows me…and we start our relationship, but anytime we got to something deep about me, they said, “Um…I don’t want to know about your goals in life…how is that going to help me tell other people about you?”….or lets say they see my Facebook and my status says something about me going through a hard time (and note…my status will never say that…not because I don’t have hard times…but because I usually don’t put a flashing neon light over said hard time)…and their response is, “Sam! Stop it! I am not going to use this information when I ask people if that want to know more about you!”

Now, I love being talked up. I love my friends telling funny stories about me to people that don’t know me. I even love it when those friends say things like, “That guy Sam is super funny…I have to meet him”….and I in turn love those new friends to pass on funny stories about me as well. The thing is though….I’m not friends with people so that they can get me other people to have relationships with…I’m friends with them to have relationships with them. Which means I’d expect them to get to know me pretty well over time, and actually want to learn about the things in my life deeper than the funny shows I watched last night (FYI: Office, 30 Rock and Parks and Recreation).

This is a dreadfully weak analogy. And I’m not saying everyone has to be scholars….my gosh that would be bothersome…nothing would ever get done:] But what I’m saying is that because of my relationships with people, I mention them in conversation to others. The closer we are…the greater the probability they are going to get there name dropped. But I mention them because I know them, I’ve “studied” them to an extent in that we’ve lived life together, and I think there is a reason to mention them. Not because I think they are super cool and want everyone to know that I know them….even if that’s the case. But, this is what we do with Christ all the time. We don’t care about learning more about Him, because we don’t see value in what we are learning. I’m not saying every inane theological debate is worth pursuing…but if we have a mindset that doesn’t want to learn about the person we are telling others about…we really don’t understand what a relationship is.

I’m not saying you need to drop “hypostatic union” all the time in daily conversation…but why look at that doctrine and not care? Yeah, monothelitism vs. dyothelitism is a debate that at the end of the day doesn’t change much…and I hope you’d never use those words talking to the unsaved…but why look at scorn, or see no value in discussing if Christ had 1 or 2 wills (that’s what those words mean by the way)?

People always think about theologians as stuffy people that don’t care about God, just about facts…and that’s sad. One of the greatest theologians I’ve ever read is Jerry Bridges. He hasn’t written a single book that’s not in the “Christian Living” section of a book store, but his theology is amazing. Why? Because he has studied God. And because He has studied God…he has something of value to say in evangelism.

All that to say: You need theology. You already do theology. Being a Christian is a study in living a theological life. Part of that life should be evangelism…but the purpose of that life needs to be Christ.

Once the semester ends I’ll be funny again…I oath it;]

PS: Christianity also isn't about theology. Its about Christ. After I posted, I thought I should balance things out. Theology is the study of Christ. Christianity isn't about the study of Christ...its about Christ; but getting to know Him more? That is theology. Ok...now I feel better.

Smashing Pumpkins Know Nothing of this Infinite Sadness

2009-03-31T09:55:00.000-07:00

Topic: disappointment

At my place of employment, we don’t really have break rooms. What we do have is a magical land called “the galley.” This place of wonder is filled with vending machines, microwaves, bathrooms, copy machines (a bit out of place…but ok) and the like. But easily the most important part of the galley is the center counter. This island in the middle of each galley is a glorious place where people put things they don’t want, and anyone else has the freedom to make this things their own.

Now, sometimes on the island you’ll see ECCU T-Shirts, or fanny packs or any other litany of things no one wants; but everyone knows the reason this place exists: food. See, what happens is that there will be a meeting, or a party, or some other event that predicates food being brought, and then placed on this counter once the party is finished. It is possible some days not to even bring or buy a lunch, but just make galley trips.

Last week, I think it was Thursday, I walked into the galley to fill up my water bottle. Interesting note, my water bottle is 1.5 liters, and I have to fill it up 2-5 times a day. I drink this much water, not for hydration or my skin…but because my job bores me and getting up to pee is kind of like a little vacation. I consider the bathroom at work a mini Can-cun (check that pun! So much set up…but totally worth it!).

Anyway, so last Thursday I’m filling up my water bottle preparing for vacation, and I see on the center island a glorious discovery!! A large bag marked “Cheese Cake Factory”. As we all know, the CCF find is magical. My heart leapt with glee knowing that in a few moments, I would be ingesting the official dessert of heaven. I personally believe there was a tree in Eden that grew this delicacy. Anyway, I look into the bag to see what type of cheesecake awaited me….and the horror!!!! It was left over burrito! Not a cheese cake at all!

This ruined my Thursday. Whichever co-worker did this to me….I will find you. This I oath! Then I will find out what dessert you like….make a box that says that on the outside, and inside? Vegetarian lasagna

Longshot of a Prayer Request

2009-03-24T09:13:00.000-07:00

So, I promise I’ll be funny again soon….but I just didn’t have the time this weekend. Why you ask? Not because of the mid-term I should have been studying for. No no…but because I was updating my resume, collecting references and making a cover letter…because I meet all the basic and many of the desired qualifications for the newly vacant professor of philosophy and religion position at Orange Coast College.

Now, I have 3 of my former prof saying insanely nice things about me, I was 1 of, if not the earliest applicant, and my resume is insanely impressive for a 26 y/o. And that’s the problem…if I’m up against a 26 y/o…I win. If a 40 y/o decides to show up, waving his PhD in the air…I’m probably toast. So, I’d love it if you guys would be willing to join me in prayer on this. As many of you know, being a professor is my dream job…and being paid by the state to talk to pagan students about the meaning of life, absolute truth and the proofs for God’s existence…oh, and teach them classes about Jesus…its an exciting prospect.

I probably won’t get a call back…but let’s go ahead and pray that I do (being that I’m reformed in my theology (and that means more than “I own at least 6 John Piper books”…which I do) I am required to add “if it’s God’s will” to the end of this sentence, and not leave it up to implication):]

Who Needs Chalcedon? I have my feelings.

2009-03-19T16:23:00.000-07:00

Ok, I think after 3 posts…it’s time to wax somewhat theological. I wax this way often. A theological waxing is much cheaper, and often less painful than any other waxing a person may do. From what I’m told. Being a man, I’ve never had to pay someone money to put hot glue on a piece of paper, press it to a b’hair portion of skin, and then rip it off. But, that is beside the point….

Topic: Cheap Grace (suggested by me…inspired by my theology class)

Back in pre-Nazi Germany, a pastor named Deitrich Bonhoeffer (if it’s misspelled, that’s because it’s German, not because I’m inadequate….though I am also German…I think I just dissed myself) who wrote a book called The Cost of Discipleship. It is an amazing book, and is one of those books everyone should read (much like The Great Divorce By my boy Clive, and I Am America (And So Can You!) by Stephan Colbert, but dedicated to heroes like you). I would actually say The Cost needs to be read more today than it has in decades past.

Tuesday night in my theology class, we had a talk about what the bear minimum was someone had to believe to be saved. Now, it as a neat exercise, and one I will do with my youth group soon, but please realize I hate the question. It sounds minimalist…as though the reason Christ died for the lost was merely to keep them out of hell. But, not the point. So, as we started listing what had to be held to….we ended up with a list that looked like this:

Believe we are sinners
Believe Jesus is God
Believe in the God of the Bible
Believe that Jesus Died for our sins
Believe Jesus rose from the dead
Believe Jesus is the only way to God
Believe we are saved by grace through faith and not by anything we do

There were a few others, but we realized that they were all subsumed under other headings. Anyway, once we boiled the list down to these few points, a few people in the class started talking about how the list was too long, and that people don’t need to believe in that much to be saved.

Ok, so…here’s the gig…we are already doing an exercise that minimizes Jesus’ missions quite a bit….but then we have people that look at that minimum and say its too large? That we need to put less doctrine in the salvation experience, because its about a process…or about a journey…and not what you know? I fully agree salvation is a process…Paul talks in 2 Cor about those “being” saved. We are continually experiencing salvation as believers…and God does take us on a journey to meet Him. But that does not mean, as was suggested, that we are saved at the moment of realizing I sin and there’s a God. If that was the case…then let’s stop wasting time talking to LDS, JW’s, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, etc. The Buddhists and atheists are what need our help.

Now, the saddest thing about this…is that of the 7 points listed above….only “we’re sinners” got 100% of the vote out of that Southern Baptist class room. The rest were seen as too stringent. As it were, too costly. One point brought up for the list, was that Christians need to die to self…and it was defined the same way repentance would be really. And 3 of us voted for it. 3 out of 20 SBC students thought that you actually need to turn from your life and submit to it Christ to be saved.

I hope that others in there just didn’t understand what was being asked…but from what I can see…the church is full of people right now that don’t think it’s important to know who Christ is when you trust Him, and that trusting him doesn’t mean at all that you submit to Him. And not only is the church full of them…but they are studying to lead the church. This is why we have to endure heretics like TD Jakes, Benny Hinn, Tony Jones and Brain McClarian. This is why we have to deal with fools like Joel Olsteen, Doug Pagiatt and a third teacher that everyone loves so much that including his name would only spark anger here. We don’t care about truth anymore. We care about making people feel good and accepted…and that’s it. We care about calling people Christians, instead of confirming that they are. We care about getting as many people on the broad path that we can, rather than actually directing them to the narrow way Christ spoke of.

Now that’s bothersome.

I need topics for my next more humorous post.

Has Anyone in this Family even Tasted a Cherry?

2009-03-16T00:32:00.000-07:00

Welcome to blog #3. I’m pretty excited, because today’s blog topic was requested by an international reader. That’s right…the Sblog, is read by people the world over. Through he glory of the internet, a woman in Istanbul (which was Constantinople…and it’s been a long time gone…) wondered onto my blog, and has requested a topic. Granted…I went to college with Bess, and she found this via Facebook…but hey, still counts. Anyway, based on her request…

Topic: Cough Drops

We all love cough drops. The glorious bits of heaven that keep our throats happy in the midst of the tempest like swells of cold, bronchitis, pneumonia and freak gas siphoning accidents; but what I bet you’ve never seen is the application for being a cough drops flavor tester. It just turns out, I have found said document. Feel free to fill it our, and then at the bottom we can grade it together and see if you have what it takes to taste cough drops….

Application to test flavors at Halls Inc.

Name:_______________
Address: __________________
Date of Birth: __________________
SSN:_________________
Educational history:______________
References:_______________

The job of a Halls flavor tester is difficult, and highly specialized one. In order to analyze your ability to properly discern our flavors, please answer the following questions:

1) When you buy a “cherry” flavored product, you imagine it tastes like:
a. A cherry
b. An old shoe
c. The number 12
d. Melted strawberry Jell-O mixed with transmission fluid
2) When someone says, “Hey, this tastes like lemon”, you assume said object tastes like:
a. A lemon
b. An issue of Mad Magazine
c. Celine Deon
d. A can of Squirt circa 1987 mixed with Gerber Strained green beans
3) What is your ideal “grape” flavored cough drop compared to?
a. A Grape
b. A Porter House
c. The constellation Cygnus
d. 1 part Alexander the Grape Otter pop, 7 parts molasses, 2 parts Listerine

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, if you answered “d” on all of the above, you totally can get a job at Halls. Seriously, why do they even given the “flavors” names? I have never once been in a situation where I was sad my cold was gone because I could no longer enjoy my cherry flavored Halls. I take them as a last resort. Because I didn’t have any sour balls around at the time.

Also…Cold-Eez….I have a huge problem with them. See, back in the late 90’s it was discovered that that zinc helps eliminate sore throats. So Cold-Eez made this huge push to be the zinc filled cough drop. The problem is that they taste worse than halls…and have none of the throat soothing powers of Halls. They just have zinc. You know what else have zinc? Vitamins. And…they don’t taste like something Survivor Man would eat.

Ok everyone…..that’s it for tonight….topic selection is under way for blog #4

Puppies and Pampers

2009-03-13T17:15:00.000-07:00

Ok, I have decided that this blog is going to be large on the interactive side. For some reason, coming up with topics is something a little less than easy. So, last night I asked 2 friends to give me ideas about what to blog about. I have one idea that is incredibly theologically heavy, and the other which is down right adorable. I have decided to go with the latter.

Topic: Puppies (again submitted by Shanda)

I’m not exactly sure why puppies are able to cast the magic spell over people that they are…but my goodness everyone loves puppies. I’m not sure how many calendars per year are sold that feature puppies in various situations, but I bet the number rhymes with 5 gillion. Actually, gillion might be an actual number, not just a word rhyming with billion. I will have to Wikipedia this…

I honestly feel bad for the puppies on those calendars. They are puppies, yet for some reason, some mean person will take one, put a pirate hat on its head and a patch on its eye and start calling him Captain Growler McBarkenstien and then subject it to dozens of flashing lights. You know what that puppy wanted to do when it woke up that day? Do you think it was “be a pirate?” Cause t wasn’t. That puppy wanted to chew on a bone for a few seconds….then switch over to your sock. And then it wanted to relieve itself all over the kitchen floor. Not be a pirate.

But really, I think this gets to the heart of the matter with the puppy spell….a spell which doesn’t just apply to puppies, but baby animals of all sorts. Something I think God clearly had in mind to ensure that humans would not eat their young…..its impossible to hate cute things.

I have a dog….and when I come down stairs in the morning and see that he’s left me presents, I’m angry. But 14 years ago when he did it…and he sat there being all cute…I’d think to myself, “Oh..its no big deal…” Now? Such a big deal.

So…joking aside…I do think this is part of God’s design in humans. See, babies are annoying. They scream constantly…they pee, vomit and poop everywhere, cry when they don’t get attention and can do nothing for themselves. Yet, we all love them. Why? They’re cute. Seriously, a baby relieves himself whilst playing with toys and you are likely to hear someone say, “Ooohh, baby made a poopy”…I can almost guarantee that that if it was I that had relieved myself, no one would say, “Ohh, mid-twenties masters student made a poopy”.

Why? Because babies are cute. And apparently we are designed to like cute things.

Ok, I am accepting topic ideas for blog post #3

First Post...I'm a follower...

2009-03-10T01:08:00.000-07:00

This is going to be the first entry into Sam’s Blog….or the Sblog….which wounds a bit like a Russian prison….

…anyway…I did not really have any type of inspiration at all…so I asked the person that convinced me to wade deep into the realm of blogging what I should write on….and Shanda gave me my topic. That’s right…Shanda suggested this. You cannot blame me for what is about to transpire…the blood is on Shanda Cogner’s hands.

She said: Ceiling Fans.

This is an awful topic to blog on. And let’s be serious…first impressions are important. So, I’m going to do the logical thing…and write this blog as though it were a script from a Rob Bell Nooma video named Ceiling Fan.

:::Camera opens to the interior of a Home Depot. The camera pans to the “Ceiling Illumination” section and centers on a man with a semi-faux hawk, a sweater that is made to resemble something from he 1970’s and glasses thick enough to hide Nichole Richie::

Voice in the background: Dude….what are you doing, this is a Nooma video

:::The camera pans slightly to the left so the man in the center is slightly off center:::

Voice in the background: That’s better

:::The man in the frame starts talking with a voice that sounds like a mixture of Jack Bauer, a guy with a hernia and Charlie from Lost 4 days into his heroine withdrawals:::

Man: Wind. It’s a powerful force. This one time…as a kid…I remember my Dad took me to fly a kite. It was…like this glimmer into another world….like, this dimension where the sky and Earth were friends and wanted to have tea together. My Dad and I made the kite drive and loop…but then the wind stopped. And when it did…that kite fell to the ground. I was traumatized. As a child…this amazing experience…ended…because there was no wind.

It made me think about the Christian life…because it was so closely related to it….you and I are like kites…and we’re trying to live this life…but we just fall…because there’s no wind. No power.

:::Man sits lightly on the edge of some fan boxes, put his hand to his mouth and gives the camera (which is now zoomed in n him…while still off centered) a look that either means he wants to marry the camera, or is going to tell it it has cancer and says::

Man: In the Bible…it talks about the Holy Spirit…that word Spirit…in both Greek and Hebrew…it also means wind. Like…that’s what life is about…being the kite that the Holy Wind can move and position…and as that kite…our job is to sit there and dance in the sky as we let this…this force move us around.

But God isn’t like a…a wind in a prairie that can just go away…He’s more constant. He’s like a ceiling fan. No matter what happens…your ceiling fan is there….just…lavishing you with wind from above.

:::The camera zooms out and you can see people walking around the guy…but its been filmed in that super artsy way so they have trail behind them which makes them look super fast and makes him look super alone::

Man: We need to install Ceiling Fans in everyone’s hearts…and just let the power of God breeze through us

:::Fade to black::

Ok, that was special. I think we’ve learned a few things:
1) When I type a Rob Bell script I feel dirty
2) Ceiling Fans are a crappy topic
3) And I’ve just ensured my blog will have 0 readers:]

Thank you and goodnight!!!